Ben-DutkaSee that over there? It's a picture of pretty girls. For gamers, especially veteran fans of the hobby, it can kick off a series of emotions that range from fear to anger to sullenness and everything in between. But I'm here to tell you that despite the common differences, the world still loves the often-disproved theory, "opposites attract."
But first of all, let me clarify that although I have experience writing dating and sex advice pieces (name and publication to remain confidential), my personal track record concerning women isn't anything even remotely impressive. You know how there are plenty of divorced marriage counselors? Yeah, same type of thing. But in focusing on the topic at hand, we must first admit to the standard differences between your usual gamer and your run-of-the-mill hot chick. It can be painful, but we need the truth:
1. Hot girls are hot. Gamers often aren't.
2. Gamers are often relatively intelligent. Hot girls…not so much.
3. Hot girls went to the parties in high school. Gamers didn't. Contra represented a Saturday night.
Now, while these three things can be considered major obstacles, there's one thing I've noticed that has been dragging gamers down for years. Look, we're just not confident enough. I worked at EB for several years, and of course, I spend plenty of time in GameStop, considering the work I currently do for PSXE. What I see is depressing: I see gamers of all ages who simply can't look someone in the eye. They mumble, stare at their shoes, look off in the distance, do weird things with their hands, and in general, appear very awkward and uncomfortable. Now, I'm here to tell you that this – this , right here – is #1 on a list of what women find unappealing in a man. And it's not that they associate this behavior with the word "geek" or "nerd" (although that may be the next association); it's that they immediately assume that a lack of confidence equates to a lack of…well, every other social skill.
You don't have to believe me. Look around; read those horrendously insulting fashion magazines. Eye contact is always one of the most important aspects of speaking to women, and as far as I can tell, gamers can't even look a cashier in the eye. The psychology of this phenomenon is simple, and it's not the gamer's fault: as you didn't go to those parties, and you didn't circulate amongst large numbers of people in social situations, your social growth was stunted. Sadly, you just don't have the charm and charisma required. But here's the good news: while looks, intelligence, and money often can't be easily acquired, charm and charisma is something absolutely anyone can learn. Want to override the aforementioned three differences? Want to know the three steps that may allow you to clear those hurdles? Look here:
1. Look people in the goddamn eye and speak in a clear, calm, affable voice.
2. Confidence comes with experience. Just try it more often.
3. Learn to relate to different people.
Oh, and let's not forget: learn to deal with rejection. Even the most successful men still get shot down 9 out of 10 times, but guess what? They talked to that 10th woman that night at the club; they didn't give up after the 6th flopped. It's a matter of honing your personal skills and before long, the large gap between hot chicks and gamers can be bridged. So the next time you and your friends are planning your weekend, and all the options include a TV, speak up and give yourselves a chance to learn. Go out. Go to where singles congregate. Wander around and talk to people. Think it's any more complicated than this? Think you need to watch that silly Player show on VH1 with the dude that looks like a chick? On your way to the club, purchase a spine, and do your thing.
I hesitate to quote "Swingers" lines, but this is for the benefit of all my fellow gamers: "you're so fu***** money and you don't even know it!"
P.S. Just because the PSXE boys own 350Zs doesn't mean that nice sports cars are required…but we have to admit…they don't hurt.
Look at the eyes, control them!
Haha gotta think of of a FPS game
You gotta Killzown them!
I agree with Ben completely
You use to work at askmen.com after all, lol. But I don't usually go for the hot ones(nor do I go for any at the moment else I be cheating) nowadays, she gotta be cute per say, and some brain behind the face.
I don't think I said anything bad?
@ ps92117 u like those obese chicks, lol
I have a girlfriend… and i play games… and so does she… and she's hot…
I'm lucky.
Yep. Me, too!
My wife is smokin' hot!
Same here, i have an extremely hot girlfriend and she games as well, although my man ego probably won't fully admit it in front of people but she does pwn me at many and by that i mean around 70% of games across all consoles as well as the PC.
B-b-but its hard…(looks at sneakers)
Lmao I'm decent when it comes to girls, although it wouldn't hurt to get some more practice in here and there
Girls are overrated lol
I still agree though, that good eye contact and being less shy helps any gamer
I learnt during my teens you just have to be confident in the person that you are, if you can be yourself that is always the best and honest thing. If a chick dosen't like you for you then she's not worth it, even if she is bone-a-riffic hot.
+1,
Dating is mainly about being someone your not and trying to get girls to like you, with girls it should be her falling for who you are otherwise, once you stop acting you WILL get caught out and then DIVORCE and all that crap comes screaming in your face.
Ben I keep getting that stupid region survey thing (since last night). Can it be fixed?
On topic: Most of the 'hot' girls I know own a gaming system. I don't know many chicks that haven't tried Rock Band or Guitar Hero.
My older sisters are big fans of racing games, and my younger one sticks to games like the Sims. Of course, they do this mainly on PS2. 🙂
i couldnt agree more, our hobby isnt what hurts us, its the image we have of ourselves, confidence really can go a long way and i will be the first to admit it is my biggest fault, and most likely the reason i am still single, i fear rejection like so many others and do not have the confidence it takes to go out on a limb and see what happens, but i recognize this flaw and am trying hard to overcome it….in time
definitely a good article and one i can relate to, i like how you guys have been interweaving life and games lately, makes this site even more interesting than it already is
It helps if you go with friends, homie.
Hey, I've never had a girlfriend (slim pickin's in the small town I live in cuz guys outnumber girls), but perhaps I can use my newly acquired Mustang convertible to my advantage…
Last edited by somethingrandom on 2/25/2009 11:35:47 PM
Are you sure you've never had a girlfriend?
If u haven't then that's some serious sh**.
U should be able to get a lotta hot girls with that Mustang since i dated some hot girls in the past hiring taxi cabs wherever i went to.
That Mustang is a big advantage.
Lol, I only got it on February 5th. You also have to realize my school only has 400 people frome Kindergarden-grade 12. That equals 80 people that are about my age, less than half of which are chicks. Then you further yet have to consider that nearly 3/4 of them are below my standards. Plus most of the ones that aren't are taken.
that he never had a girlfriend dosent means he never got some acction, mmmmmm yum
dammit y even be shy wen u can be a ladies man and a gamer it dont hurt especially if u end up runnin into a cute girl that plays games too she not the best but she is cute n hell i would love any girl that could just relax with me and play video games so y not go speciffically after gamer chicks they are sumtimes really hot too
n dont bother worryin bout the rejection man like alot of others it dont hurt for 2 girls to say no and then 1 to say yea just keep tryin till u get it cuz i know butt ugly people wit stinky breath that get girls
@bxshotboi I agree with u.
I knew this fat obnoxious offense to humanity that got the hottest girls. How? ridiculous confidence.
i couldn't agree more with ben. i have a friend that's socially stunted and i tell him the same thing ben is saying all the time
" all it takes is confidence "
Just look at my picture that is the smoking hot girl I am marrying in May. So booyah
Congrats old man.
Haha… that mumble thing is a big thing for me, which was a surprise when my brother told me about it a few years back. I originally used to think I spoke somewhat loudly, considering I have a deep voice, but its quite the opposite: a lot of the time I speak too low, too fast, and tend to trip over my words.
That explained all the "huh?"s I get sometimes when trying to explain something to people, which I then would have to repeat. It's not as bad now, but it does happen a lot more often than I'd like.
Last edited by DragonSphere on 2/26/2009 12:38:40 AM
@DragonSphere I do that too my worths get tongue tide, lol
I hear u man, I trip over my words too, although usually technically perfect in speech, most people don't expect me to speak the way I do. And it doesn't help by having big lips, people sometimes think I'm a chewer.
World,
I thought if people saw your lips, you had to kill them?
-Arvis
II got a few girlfriends dont get it confused just cause II play games II dont play them all day II actually rather play with a female and II ain talking about video games either II know a bunch of gamers serious gamers who also have hot girlfriends so you just gotta step ya game up when it comes to females and have a little swagger bout ya self and you will be successful at getting girls.
Go gay, it's easier.
Haha
lol
I think what he meant was it is easier being a gaymer.
PS "Girls have cooties!" – Bart Simpson
lol these geeky articles are hillarious
I agree. (:
Poor gamer teens, but what makes them so damned insecure? Social isolation? Can´t be gamers community is still a community and communities are social places. If you are intelligent and you claimed most gamers are, you´re not going for the chicky wicky girls just for a fu.. You want some real womenand real relationship. And there´s another important point – I think teenage boys are more insecure nowadays because media and public attitude on relationship and the role of man and women is not clear, but rather confusing.
I myself never cared about feminism or womens sexual revolution or things like that. I always treated them like a gentleman should treat a lady (though some were bitches at all). But I was still aware, that I´m a, or better, the man. I was secure about my role and why women want a man, need a man.
That and my intelligence made it rather easy to have loads! of fun. Now I´m married and my wife and I are a really happy couple. (And she´s hot :-))
I would advice teens like: If you feel you don´t share the public attitude on partnership or sexual behaviour – just go your own way, don´t let them confuse you. Stay with your attitude. Because beeing consequent is also a big attracter for women!
Yes, but "chatting" with someone on an online forum or community is MILES away from actually meeting someone face to face and being social. Because you can be social online in no way means you know how to socialize in real life. In fact, I think it's quite the opposite sometimes.
I pity anyone one who dates online.
Basically you´re right Troy, but consider 'chatting' just an other aproach on social behaviour. Because social behaviour is nothing else but following the common terms of use. If you don´t, you will be banned or ignored. It´s just like real life – ok being banned is not common nowadays 🙂 But beeing fired is almost the same. If I look back to the day when I tried out a chat room the first time, it was a disaster, I just didn´t know what to say, because there was no real relationship to a person just a sentence on the display. I went out after a minute, confused and frustrated. Today Í like those Wednesdays and Fridays, when I play Socom with my clan. Talking about this anthat and having a good time. Even though I don´t know anyone personally. My judgement over a person online is little bit different as in real life. Online: How is he speaking/writing, does he/she use a wide range of wording. Is he/she listening to me, really thinking about my arguments? Does she/he has a similar sense of humor? etc. Remark: There´s nothing about the look, the social status (apart from that,that you can hear or read) or if she/he is foreigner or not. No geographical prejudgement. I think there a new social world developing. But it has to connect to real world of course. Cause just talking about sex makes no women pregnant 🙂
I´m looking forward to what´s upcoming in social development in the future – I think it is damned time something happens. World has technically boomed the past 200 years, but socially we´re stucked to middleage.
I don't know how things work around where you live, but I'm sure 'gamers' are not like this at all around here. Normally 'geeks' don't even play games, they study. This sort of belittles yourself. Kinda sounds like stereotyping to Me….
and the only one who looks hot in that picture is the girl on the veeeeeeeery right in the red looking out.
Exactly! I also don't how things work in the US but judging from Ben's articles,it looks like gamers are nerds,which is totally opposite where i am.
Here,the Nerds study A LOT n don't F with games or parties and the gamers luv the parties n don't perform well in class.
yeh same in london the nerds dont really play games……its the cooler party luving people that do
Here in the US, gaming is all the nerds CAN do for fun.
Really?
I think the major problem is terms like "nerd" and "geek" are kinda used interchangeably, but for some people they mean vastly different things. Also, let me throw in the term "loser." Like, I know gamers that fall into the "loser" category just because they are social misfits, but aren't smart enough or tech savvy enough to be considered nerds or geeks. I have known nerds who have no interest in video games, and I've known geeks who only play WoW.
Personally, I think "loser" is a better term for those with the stunted social growth. It sounds harsh, but I think it's fitting because most of the people who fit this stereotype have given up on themselves and just kind of resigned to being nothing. Giving up on yourself makes you a loser in my book.
But, no, not every gamer is going to fit into one of these groups. One of my best friends is a gamer and he gets UNBELIEVABLE amounts of ass. And I do mean SIMPLY NOT BELIEVABLE. On top of that, he's the best FPS player I know. I mean, it simply isn't fair. Every time he would slaughter me at CoD4, I'd just be like, "Dude, this isn't right. You're not supposed to be good at video games AND get all the women."
I'm convinced he sold his soul to the devil.
"One of my best friends is a gamer and he gets UNBELIEVABLE amounts of ass"
LOL!….Troy that's just what am saying,most of my peeps are gamers,there's this one who beat FFX in less than 2 weeks whiles i was still struggling,n i must admit that this same hardcore gamer gets more ass than me!
Heck Bow Wow,the Game etc spend so much time behind xbox live n psn respectively,but they aren't nerds.
Seeing as every site is worldwide,the word "nerd" can't apply to us all.Like you suggested "loser"…lol…that's kinda harsh and hilarious at the same time.
Next time i'll try not to let such articles bother me.
lol they arent beyond my grasp 😀
thats why they make games of hot girls with huge boosims !OH YEAAAAAAAAAAAAH – koolaid