Ben-DutkaWell, this is a new one.
First of all, if you're wondering about the pic, I'm trying to avoid this situation. If I do end up in this sad predicament, it'll probably be due to the fact that I didn't handle the conundrum correctly. As some of you know, I went out with this chick – the one who just found my job to be so very novel and exotic – and she's the same one who loved LittleBigPlanet . If you need a refresher course, check the Special Features and find the last couple of editorials I did (that aren't Week in Reviews). The subject's fictional name is Ms. Courtney, but now, there's another name: we'll call her Ms. Amy. Ms. Courtney and I will probably go out again tomorrow night; it will mark the second official date, and I figure things are progressing normally. Ms. Amy is one of Ms. Courtney's friends; one of the girls I met in the first editorial ("Stuns Gal Crowd"). Two hours ago, Ms. Amy calls me…
One might assume she called to find out how the first date went with her friend. It's a little forward and perhaps stepping over an invisible gal-pal line, but I've certainly seen it done before. But Ms. Courtney goes unmentioned and Ms. Amy is just talking to me like we've been old friends for years. For the first minute or so, I really had no clue who it was; when I found out, I hadn't the slightest idea how to respond. Things got foggier when she asked if I wanted to get a drink at a club at midnight tonight. …what world am I living in? What's going on? I just talked to Arnold, and he believes it may be a test, which is a fair assumption and one I have to consider. On the other hand, it could be exactly what it sounds like and if that's the case, I don't have a ghost of a chance of emerging from this mess unscathed. No matter how I approach it, I have a feeling I'll be the ultimate villain. So unfair. Seriously.
Anyway, as it's 12:04 a.m. right now, it's fairly obvious I didn't meet Ms. Amy for drinks. I just said it's short-notice and I'd have to take a rain check, but I appreciated the offer. I didn't mention her friend, Ms. Courtney, simply because I wasn't sure what the hell was going on. I suppose some of you will simply ask, "well, which one's hotter? Go with that one!" Eh, this is more complicated than that; like I said, it'll be difficult to come out of this without a scar or two. So as Arnold suggested, I think I'm going to call Ms. Courtney tomorrow and simply tell her what happened. If it's a test, I pass with flying colors. If it's not, I may unfortunately drive a wedge between two long-time friends (they went to college together), and there's not much I can do about that. But what happens afterwards…? Like I said, this is a first. And I don't like it. So, what do the readers think? I'm screwed, aren't I? 🙁
Heh, you are screwed.
Maybe they're competing for you. Maybe she just wants to play LittleBigPlanet, too.
Hah!
I say good call on not taking her up on the offer. Never good to lie to a woman, they will always find out and then there will be hell to pay. All in all, I think your taking the right path.
yeah for sure not good to lie. sure if it was a test you passed. But if it wasnt i dont think its that bad that they get mad at each other. Because if your best friend is lying to you then they arent your best friend, are they? Especially when it comes to dating.
No lying. I don't do that.
Well…little WHITE lies…maybe. 😉
what about little black ones?
I think Arnold's assumption is reasonable, that Ms. Amy and Ms. Courtney set this up to test you.
There is no doubt in my mind that two girls, who are best friends, wouldn't give a guy a test like that. I think its pretty obvious… but that's just me.
Last edited by The_R0gue_Ninja on 5/1/2009 11:22:38 PM
Not necessarily. Just play it smooth and I think you'll be fine. You might just be reading too much into this. Maybe all she wants is to see if you are right for her friend. I hope all goes well for you, though. Hang tough, Ben!
You should have just told her you and a friend had plans but she was welcome to join the two of you to hang out. Then since a friend was with you he could have helped you scope the situation out without getting in trouble.Plus you could have explained it off as you were just trying to set your friend up with Amy lol. My guess is she was testing you though. I would tread lightly when you tell Courtney lol. You just have to love the deviousness of women whether she was testing you or hitting on you. Good Luck!
Tell her you're interested in Courtney and that you don't think it's a good idea. I think you'll be screwed if you tap dance around it because if they're playing games with you that's a lot of BS to deal with after one date. I can't even imagine how annoying it's going to be if this goes somewhere.
Be straightforward with Courtney, tell her what happened. Oh, and, it's just assuming you actually care about this Courtney girl, if you don't, bail on both of them. Playing BS games like this is just a giant waste of time.
I find myself in a similar yet a probably much more convoluted situation. I have posted on here in the past but erring on the side of precaution I chose to create an new ID. Some details and names will be of course changed.
I've been with the same woman for almost 5 years and we are engaged with no set date for marriage. This year has proven to be the toughest in our relationship yet. Without getting into too much detail she started pushing me away and as a result I've reflected on our years together and found myself unsatisfied. No longer do I feel that this person is the right one for me and through our talks I know she is unsure of her feelings for me anymore. We seem to be heading towards a mutual breakup that will hopefully turn into a lifetime friendship as that seems to be what we are better suited for.
Now within the past couple of weeks, quite awhile after all that happened between me and my fiance, we'll call her Kathrine, I started chatting with this other lovely girl, we'll call her Jessica.
Jessica and I knew we shared an instant attraction and kept everything light and flirtatious, but that has grown into a full on infatuation. Jessica knows of my current predicament with my fiance as I was always upfront about it.
However Kathrine does not know of Jessica. As I've said I see us gradually moving towards a mutual breakup and I don't want to rock the boat at this time.
I certainly don't want to be "that guy." The cheater or whatever else. I know I am a good person who has found himself in a situation where most of the decisions he would have to make would fall into a morally gray area. It is a new situation for me and I'm just dealing with it in what I find to be the best way possible. I'm not some guy following my dick, just my heart and my pursuit of happiness.
With that all I can suggest is to do the same. While some may get on their high horse and insist you follow the moral high road, I believe you need to do whatever it takes to find your own happiness.
Man, I don't envy you at ALL. But here's hoping things all work out for the best…if there's one thing I know, it's that being the WRONG person for an extended period of time must be miserable. So make sure you're sure. 😉
Why choose? 😀
Ben's life is like an anime haha. Or an awesome Spanish soap opera 😀
Anyway you did the right thing by not going. But if I were you I'd keep quiet(though Ms. Courtney read your last article, so she might read this one) so you kinda have to tell her what happened.
I'm the kind of guy who goes with what came first, first come first served. So if you feel chemistry between you and Ms. Courtney, give that a shot. Ms. Amy might still be around later down the line if anything goes wrong with Ms. Courtney.
I don't think I've ever said "Ms" so many times in a day….
Haha, all this need is the little sister, the childhood friend and the mysterious girl. Then we just sit back and start a count on how many nosebleeds Ben gets XD.
Lol.
What ever you do don't hurt the one your going out with, have you ever been chased by a girl with a pot of hot grits? one of the scariest moments of my life!
Hey Ben,
I figure it's 1 of 3 scenarios
1. Ether they're both plotted a set-up to check
on any trust & loyalty issues Courtney may have.
2. Or Amy has taken it upon herself to safeguard her G/F on the same issues above.
OR,
(the worst case scenario…..)
3. Amy's making her own sneaky-behind-the-back play for you.
And if this is the case, then Amy is a "SNAKE" that can't be trusted.
If she'll go behind her G/F's back, then also think of this too….If you decided on Amy, you'll surely never be able to trust her to not go behind your back with another guy later on.
Last edited by BikerSaint on 5/2/2009 1:19:14 AM
Yeah man, if it's scenario #3, I'm going to be looking for the safest exit. I wouldn't mind either of the first two, but I'd still have questions…question I may not what answers to. LOL
Ben, as another female I can tell you exactly what she was thinking… er… I have no idea!
I can't comprehend the female mind.
Lies. Don't all women have the same hard-wiring in their head? 😉 j/k
B Dukat you dodged a bullet that most mortal men would have taken for the team.
This is a tricky one B Dukat. Amy could be feeling you out/testing you for her friend. Perhaps Courtney is passing you off to her?? Doesn't sound like you've had much of a past with Amy. If you find out how Amy got your number, it will probably give you a better idea regarding her phone call.
Broach the subject with Courtney by telling her it caught you by surprise and you felt that she should know (assuming she didn't give Amy your number). Good luck with this one brother.
DISCLAIMER: I am not a relationship expert. I'm just playing one on this message board.
why do u call him Dukat?
I guess to switch the T and K to make Ben's name sound cooler like kool kat/cat.
😉
But probably not?
Smells like a trap, the "!?" should have appeared over your head like guards on MGS4.
If she didnt get your number from you and she isnt in your cirlce of friends, chances are ms courtney gave her the number. If its for a setup test or not is up to you to decide.
I'm glad my wife didn't play these games back in the day…
Women and their tests…j/k. You made the right call.
Actually u can bring up ur image to Ms.Courtney(i persume shes the 1 u prefer since u've gone out with her twice)by accepting Ms Amy's offer, then phone Ms Courtney n let her know that ur going out with Ms Amy, n ask her TO join u(NOT if she wanna join u).
Ur letting her know that u want her to be with u, n she will mostly think that ur an honest n dependable guy…
Anyway i think u handled the situation good, keep posting man!!
Oh btw this was all my personal opinion n dont blame me if anything goes wrong 😛
Ohhhhh, I think you just wanna hear all the details of a good wild catfight, LMAO
Yea it might be a setup.At the same time maybe ms. amy really has a crush on you.
Ben,you sound like you're really liking ms. courtney a lot and don't wanna do anything to screw up but at the same time you know ms. amy is hot and you're astonished at the sudden call and interest.So, you're left in a dilemma.If it's not a setup, then you should also test the 2 of them,see which one likes you best and start dating.Like you said,you've no intentions of long term relationships, so it's freewill.
Last edited by www on 5/2/2009 6:06:31 AM
Well it's pretty simple..
Which one's hotter? Go with her.
No brainer.
LOL!
>=]
Sounds like they are confused about the types of GAMES you like to play Mr. Ben.
Ben, I had a problem like this about 2 weeks ago, and turns out one of the girls just told me she didnt even want a relationship so I'm essentially in the clear. However youre what, 20 years older than me? And I doubt teenage horomones still affect you or your colleagues, but if youre as lucky as me one of them will just call it off…And if not, you're screwed. But if I know anything about women and their friends, this is a test. If I don't, again, you're screwed. I say take the high road and stick with Ms. Courtney, you'll hurt less feelings that way and judging for your editorials you seem to like her (I think?). Anyway, if worst comes to worst, you end up with no girl and maybe some bruised balls, wounds heal. It'll all be good.
I don't think either girl wants a long-term relationship right now, which is fine by me. But I always try the "high road" if the opportunity presents itself.
And damn it…I'm only 30. You can't be 10. 😉
Fine youre 14 years older than me but my point remainds valid!
Jerry! Jerry! Jerry!
Last edited by psxmax on 5/2/2009 8:24:29 AM
Ben, don't say anything to Ms. Courtney. Just pretend it didn't happen. If it was a test then Ms. Amy will go back to Ms. Courtney and say you didn't respond. If it is not a test then don't respond to Ms. Amy and ignore her. You won't break their friendship up. Silence is Golden.
If Ms. Courtney reads this article then you are screwed.
Sorry again, edit button disappeared.
Last edited by psxmax on 5/2/2009 8:51:00 AM
If she was asking you out and it was not a test, she is not a good friend at all. You did the right thing by not going. Good Luck with your conversation today!
Ben,fella, if it turns out this was a "test" of some kind just how insecure is the chick you're dating? Alternatively this could just show she likes screwing with your head. Neither of which are really attractive features so don't worry how you come out of this one at all.
On the other hand if her mate just actually wants to step on her toes then how much of a wedge does their "friendship" need putting between them?
Just tell her what went on and see what the result us-but don't think for one second that you should be woried about your own behaviour here. You should be more worried about one, or both, of theirs IMO. Trust me , if you end up getting grief over this it seems to me like you'd be best off getting shot of the pair of them-life's too short for reindeer games like this mate.
Last edited by mastiffchild on 5/2/2009 8:34:33 AM
If it is a test it doesnt necessarily mean that Courtney knows about it. Perhaps Amy is just testing because she cares about her friend and wants to know if Ben is a pimp or a gentleman.
Courtney may not know anything about this.
Last edited by NoSmokingBandit on 5/2/2009 10:51:42 AM
Run like hell man… and don't look back (I think you turn into a pillar of salt or something…)
Last edited by DanicusX on 5/2/2009 9:14:37 AM
bag n tag n both in the Book Of BEN
if this chick is testing you after the first date no offense but she is kinda crazy….
bang both
You, potato, are disgusting.
Agreed. (with Cobra I mean)
Last edited by Riku994 on 5/2/2009 11:57:03 AM
In the past I would've agreed with potato if I hadn't gotten chased by an angry hot girl with a pot of hot grits!
Last edited by MadKatBebop on 5/2/2009 7:13:13 PM
SCREWED…….nuff said.
I don't think it's a test, women try to sabotage each other all the time. They always want what the other one has. Amy is after you dude.
Did anyone think that maybe she was 1. looking for a reaction because 2. wanted to see if this would get posted online because 3. Ms. Courtney (indirectly) may want to see just how much of her "life" would get put on these posts, threads, etc.?
Forgive me for not being sympathetic, but some of us aren't lucky enough to even have one girl interested in us, much less two…
That said, the right thing to do is what you're doing, tell Ms. Courtney the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth. Let her work this out with Ms. Amy, as it may be something that has happened in the past, and/or she may be aware of Ms. Amy's interest as well. Neither one can blame you for being honest with both of them, and the worst that can happen (as far as you're concerned) is that one or the other might feel awkward with you and the other around.
Best case scenario is a menage a troi… But don't shoot for that, aim lower… 😉