Ben-DutkaSeveral weeks ago, I had fully intended this to be a trilogy; the third installment in this little personal drama would be the last. So I had this very cute little picture all prepared, but even though things aren't as "complete" as I'd like them to be, it still works in a vague literary sense. Anyway, for whatever reason, the first two parts basically exploded in terms of Comments, which means my dilemma must've appealed in some way to a lot of people. Hence, it just feels wrong not to issue the appropriate update. 😉
You should recall our good friends: the ex who doesn't know what she wants and the guy who we've lovingly labeled, "Mr. Pretentious Jackass." For those of you who are late to the party, I can't delay very long, but here's a quick summary. I dated this girl for several months earlier in 2008, and being a legal aide with full plans on being a lawyer in the very near future, she is always around a lot of lawyers. The firm she's with just so happens to consist of a ton of superficial jackballs who I personally can't stand for more than five consecutive seconds. One of them despised me and my "position in life," poisoning the girl's mind with the standard, "you shouldn't be with someone like that" and "he's just a big child" and other fun arguments that typically would deserve a fist in the throat. I thought highly of the girl until she eventually caved in to the abuse and ended up leaving me to date this Pretentious Jackass. Then, a few months later, I bump into them in the mall; he's as vile as ever but afterwards, she calls me, apologizes, and asks to meet me for a drink.
Obviously, I have zero intention of getting back together with her, so if I accepted the advance and did what instinct demanded I do, I could easily hurt her (even if she may have deserved it, to some extent). Most of all, I just wanted revenge on the moron in question, and hence, my dilemma. Well, I did decide to see her as a friend , simply because I was interested to hear her side of the story. She had a fairly lame explanation and wasn't even clear whether she wanted to come back to me; it was one of those "this is so hard for me; I just don't know what to do!" internal debates, voiced with the deliberate intent of inspiring sympathy. She should've known me better. I would've left things right there and moved on, even with all the abuse thrown in my direction. I'm 30 now and I can't be prone to snapping and beating on people because they're so dreadfully insecure and morally corrupt. That's not my problem, and I don't need to generate problems for myself by sinking to their level. However, I learned a little something when I met her for that drink – 'tis the season, and I at least felt like listening to her side of the story – that changed things just a bit.
I had always assumed that fool was just that: a fool, and one not to be taken seriously. But apparently, there came a time when he had a little too much to drink at a party, and my ex pissed him off somehow, and he hauled off and smacked her. …here's the thing, and Arnold and I both agree on this: I place men who hit women somewhere slightly below a cockroach on the evolutionary ladder. "I was drunk" is not an excuse; never has been and never will be. This alone made me see red. I was ten times more furious than I was when that idiot had mocked me at every turn, and of course, about 30 seconds after she related the story, the Pretentious Jackass himself turned up. In what could've been the mistake of the century, she had asked him to arrive so the two of us could kiss and make up, so-to-speak. I hadn't said more than two words to the guy before then, but when he stuck out his hand in a clearly forced manner, I could only look at it and say, "if that hand touches her again, you had better hope I never find out about it." Then I left. I still had no interest in taking her back, but I did want this guy to pay in some way.
Well, there was no avoiding him. We crossed paths once or twice more while I talked to her every now and then. We never did anything but talk, and that includes the one night she stayed at my place (it may seem unlikely, but I swear it). So finally, one day the girl and I – who, despite my intentions, are starting to get friendly again – go out to look for a Christmas tree. Mr. Pretentious Jackass and his little lawyer posse (it sounds lame; it's even lamer to type) found out about it, and he confronted us out there on the Christmas tree farm. You can't make this sh** up. Oddly enough, his friends weren't really on board this time and tried to restrain him from causing trouble, but when I tried to walk away, he pushed me in the back.
So I threw him into a tree.
Up into a tree. As in, he broke branches on the way down. Then I just put him on the ground and wouldn't let him up until he promised to settle down. The girl and his lame posse were all on my side for once, and it's probably because the fool had gone above and beyond all sense of reason. Quite clearly, it annoyed the ever-loving crap out of him that I was back in the picture in any way, and he finally snapped. This class warrior (the elitist mentality that separates people into classes based on money and often-times artificial prestige) couldn't stand that a game journalist was getting more attention than him…and the odd part is, she didn't decide to leave his ass until the Christmas tree incident. After that, she realized she couldn't possibly be around him any longer, and ever since, we haven't seen any more of him. We probably never will. But before things got further, I made it abundantly clear that I didn't want to resurrect the relationship – for obvious reasons – and that would be the end of it.
But suddenly, I wasn't the only one who wanted revenge. And so…we get two people who are on the same page, no chance of doing anything really immoral (unless you're into this whole abstinence before marriage religious thing), and every chance to have a little fun. Indulging in hotness for the sake of indulging? I'm not above that, not when she's well aware of the casual nature of the encounter. On the other hand, the concept popularized in the likes of "When Harry Met Sally" and "Seinfeld" always rings true: you can't just be friends with someone you find attractive because the sex part always gets in the way. Don't think it's a fact? Truth, it is. So you can guess where I'm at now as I'm relatively certain no more explanation is required. And that, my friends, is where we currently stand…on the precipice of…something…
The tree thing was awesome. w00t.
Lol Awsome your stories are up there with Mr Kojima sir…Mr Freakin Kojima 😛
PS: Tell me this, did you or her make the first advance twoard the "Indulgence" lol
bom chicka wa wa
Exactly!
Haha this is almost like one of those awesome anime stories haha 😀
haha i actually loled at ur coment schmitty
Ben, I want a "I'm so proud of you cry" emote. Well I'll do without it I guess. Honestly though, I think you made the right choice and the whole tree thing seemed pretty funny to me. Idk what your situation with her is but at least your settled, well sort of right?, and she's out of a bad relationship. Good job.
While I am a non confrontational pacifist, I can't help but feel glee at the thought of you putting that jackhole in his place. 🙂
for the record, I happen to be one of those religious types. It's none of my business ether way, just thought I'd level with everyone.
and HELL YA! Way to use those guns you (i'm assuming) worked hard for. I thought that paper pusher deserved to know whats what.
Last edited by LightShow on 12/26/2008 10:51:52 PM
Way to go Ben, you are an ogre champion!
Just a shame it wasn't a gigantic desert cautus.
He could've made a great imitation of a coon hound who's just got too-big a sniff at the pointy ends of a pissed-off pocupine's butt.
wooH! i bet he saw stars when you threw him on the tree XD.. good going Ben!
Friends with benefits. God's way of saying you're a good person.
hm… shadow is .. christian?
I thought lawyers were supposed to be the mentally balanced kind, the mature kind, the not "childish" kind, the kind that understands what it means to be on both sides of the fence…
I guess he is not a good lawyer, or a very decent person then, going about smacking ladies… terrible!
Good on you Ben!
Q!
"i aM hOMe"
You know what would be a big hurt to Mr. Pretentious Jackass is if you convince your friend with benefits to file a sexual harassment suit against him. That would really hurt him badly.
Ben, I think you should seriously convince your girl to file a sexual harassment lawsuit as soon as you can. That way you can protect yourself in case he decides to sue you for assault or something. It would make his case look like a retaliation suit. Think about it.
Last edited by Itdoesntmatter on 12/29/2008 10:32:27 AM
Congrats!! Lol I would've paid to have seen all ofthis unfold before me, nice job Ben, dude, give her one last chance, u noe u want to deep down, it wouldn't hurt anyone, plus wat do u got to lose, you'll be getting ur old flame back and you'll feel better in the end
BEN YOU'RE MY HERO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
That is just awesome. I want to throw somebody into a tree now. Way to go Ben.
Makes me want to make an animation with that in mind right 'bout now 😀
Kinda like the "This is Sparta!!!" thing 😀
That is an awesome idea!!
He had it coming Ben. I don't know why ben but when you said you threw him up into a tree, i pictured Astaroth of Soul Calibur doing his special grab when he tosses someone high in the Air haha
In the end, YOU WIN! Friend's with benefits? and she doesn't mind? kick ass.
You know me though, im a sucker for romantic happy endings, so imma be the first to call it: Maybe not in the near future, but this chick will be your girl once more, give it time, i swear it!
Last edited by aaronisbla on 12/27/2008 12:41:16 AM
"I don't know why ben but when you said you threw him up into a tree, i pictured Astaroth of Soul Calibur doing his special grab when he tosses someone high in the Air."
Lol me too!
WOOOOOAH! Son got served up like peanut butter and jelly! Such a simple, but complex, but epic story. Ben, YOU are officially B.A.M.F. of the year! 😀 Congrats! xD
Last edited by eaglebaize on 12/27/2008 1:22:41 AM
Much like yourself, as I get older I'm realizing violence is not the answer. You cant always solve your problems with your fists. But I do say what you did was THE RIGHT THING TO DO. You didnt so much bruise him as you did his ego. In his mind, he got taken down by a grown man who plays with toys in front of his (as you said) "Lawyer posse" and the girl. You could almost chalk that up as not only a personal victory, but as a small blow for us gamers. Not all of us are nerds who live in mommy and daddies basement. As for the girl, all things in there own time. Whatever happens, happens. Very nicely done.
better keep updating this. its not games but still very interesting.
"you can't just be friends with someone you find attractive because the sex part always gets in the way. Don't think it's a fact? Truth, it is. "
thats so true lol
I think you should let the relationship bloom everyone makes a mistake and you two sound…"cute" together.
WOW Ben… That is all I can say… WOW…
Reading your story makes me wonder what it will be like down the line for my past 8 year relationship. I know she's seeing someone else, and I know now how much things have happened. I honestly don't think I could ever be her friend again, especially after she broke it off so bluntly with me after 8 long years. It's horrible sometimes to look back on the memories. Your story is inspiring, and your outlook on the situation makes me feel good about myself. I just wish I had more luck with the ladies, as this new girl Im talking to is just so perfect, well what seems to be perfect, she's so easy to talk to and all that jazz. I guess I'm just to much of a nice guy, and usually in life, the nice guy never finishes in first. Or so I would assume for my life.
The problem is simple, Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus… you will never quite understand the opposite… Truth is, you are likely to assume one thing… and realize the result ends up to be completely different… you think you know someone for 8 years, but actually, you don't know them at all… everything that is shared usually is an illusion of sorts… why?
In many cases the partner hard done by did not read signs early on, lived in a dream world when it was evident things were going wrong… usually they start of small, then they grow… if communication is not solved small things are blown out of proportion emotionally, this leads deeper conflict within yourself, and then externally with your partner… eventually a break down insures, mistrust and anger… revenger and hatred… so thin is the line between love and hate…
Money, mistrust, jealousy and non extistant communicative skills usually culminate and become the perfect storm… sad, but as the statistics show… successful marriages are becoming a rarity… I don't see the trend improving, in-fact I see it getting worse… can usually be perpetuated by economic cycles… just to add salt to the wounds…
Q!
"i aM hOme"
Last edited by Qubex on 12/27/2008 4:41:16 AM
Time heals all wounds, DIs. ALL wounds. Just make sure u're not taking anything out on the new girl b/c of what the ex-girl did to u. It can happen indirectly. Trust me.
Bigger and better things are around the corner in '09!
Last edited by King James on 12/27/2008 11:50:44 AM
lol well done, so much for his mercedes E class. 😀 he must be thinking of trading it in for a nissan GTR, just to find out where he'd gone wrong :p
RESPECT is all that matters.Glad u thought the moron a lesson n the girl too.
I picture GTAIV:
Dwayne asking Niko to revenge on that Javyon guy dating Dwayne's girl Cherise,i always ice that Javyon and leave that Cherise be,cause she's just an idiot…as Dwayne says.
Some women most of the time are just confused idiots who listen to opinions of fools,getting that woman who stands in her own shoes n thinks for herself is difficult to come by.
He dissed ur 350z what a `pretentious jackass` lol
For anyone that isn't sure what happened at the end…in lamens terms…he fu**ed her…
Way to go Ben
Last edited by Ben Dutka PSXE on 12/27/2008 10:23:31 AM
Perfect timing, huh? I went through some holiday hell, myself.
So Ben, I'm not really sure if I get that…Are you or are you not getting lucky every once in a while? lol.
Excellent story Ben, I get all choked up over these things.
I love how the world makes things right for people who do things right. Call it karma, obeying the lord, or whatever. As much as you yearned to put the guy through a wall on more than one occassion he just walked right into it.
Strong communication is always the basis of a strong relationship, it sounds like you might have that with this one. Not to mention she must be extremely proud to have you as her man if you put that butt hole in a tree. She sounds like a keeper.
I hope you turned her on to this little mini-drama you created. I think she would appreciate it. Encourage her to post a comment or two.
Totally agree with yours and Arnolds view on where a man who hits a women falls on the evolutionary ladder.. there is no excuse!
Way to go Ben nice one 🙂
I can't believe he hit her. That's just sad.
He deserved ALOT more than being thrown in a tree.
Nice conclusion Ben. But I have one concern and I think you know what I'm getting at but…Why did she, in the end, come to you? Did she know you well enough to know that you, Ben, would be the catalyst that could start/end those chains of events? Or is it all a coincidence that she happened to say the ONE thing that would get a raise out of you (the hitting of a female)? This raise made you come back into the picture that Mr. Pre-Ass wanted you out off; Which ultimately got Mr. Pre-Ass out of picture. Irony?
IDK, Ben. To me, it seems that this chick is either very lucky and naive, or extremely smart and potentially dangerous. It's most likely the prior, but watch yourself and her (although u probably already are).
Perhaps. I thought about it, and although I mean no offense to her, I think that's giving her too much credit. I seriously doubt any of this was premeditated on her part. Heh.
great job in throwing him in a tree, he deserved it, someone who hits woman deserves far worse. now im not to fond of the friends with benefits thing for a couple different reasons. first ill get my christian stance out of the way as some of you may know and second i have a deep respect for woman and i feel that even if she is all for it, its still disrespectful because she is ultimately being used. i personally HATE!!!! with every sense of my being abuse and any disrespect towards woman and for me that includes just useing them. ben you just do what you feel is right or whatever you want to do. im not hateing on you or anything, im just giving you my view and oppinion. i know God wouldnt be to happy if i did something like that. but again i love the part where he went UP into a tree lol i love that.
Last edited by MetalHead09 on 12/27/2008 5:21:51 PM
i like the fact that you humiliated him rather than beating him up.
there's nothing worse than being subdued in front of your girl(and posse).A**HOLE.
and now if you don't mind catching a flight and coming down here, i have some people that need to be taken care of. 🙂
Last edited by Ben Dutka PSXE on 12/27/2008 1:36:31 PM
If some of you haven't guessed, the issue now is that it seems clear she wants to be MORE than friends with benefits. She not too subtle about it, either. She's happy with the way things are now, but it won't last until the relationship is resurrected.
And that ain't gonna happen. So it's basically the same dilemma as before- do I have to just stop seeing her immediately so it's not considered "stringing her along?" Probably. It just sucks. I know I'll catch flak for it, but I'm pretty much in love with this whole bed buddy thing…"we're done…time for you to go." I mean…come on…any MAN will have to admit there's something sinfully AWESOME about that. 😉
But I know it's not fair to her to keep it up. 🙁
Right back to square one, huh? Full Circle.
Similarly, I did the "friends with benefits" with this woman who had a bf that lived on the other side of the country. We in Houston. He's in Chicago. Long story short, that "thing" that's sinfully awesome (as u put it) kept me from breaking it off with her. Even though, I knew it was wrong and unfair to both of us.
End result: She broke up with him. Eventually, hooked up with me. And then we broke up but still kept the "benefits" until she got pregnant by her ex. Now we can barely hold a civil convo.
I know it's hard to do. But after my experience w/ the ex I stated above, I now live by a new principle:
If it doesn't feel right (even by a small margin), then don't do it.
OR
In the words of Obi-Wan, "Trust your feelings."
lol (that was kinda corny)
So Ben, if u feel good about it and she don't care. Continue. So what, if she wants more from you. Women always want more. Some want it all. BUT…if YOU start to feel wrong about the "friends w/ benefits thing", then u know what u need to do.
Last edited by King James on 12/27/2008 2:07:20 PM
Ben honestly,i personally can't easily take girls as friends,girls around me are either getting laid or getiing kinky with me of some sort.My so-called girl friends don't really see me or have me calling them,i phone them once in a blue moon.
Thus either pick one:
1.Take her back
2.Leave her and move on,we gamers don't take crap.
Last edited by www on 12/27/2008 3:24:13 PM
If you are absolutely certain that you two are not going to be more than friends, my advice is to tell her that. However wonderful the "benefits" are I think that it would be a little selfish to keep stringing her along and preying on her naivety. Who knows, she might like the benefits just as much as you do and want to keep the current relationship as is.
I am only 17, and I have had only 2 relationships that have lasted longer than 6 months, one of them I am still in. But, I have found that I when I am with a mature and intelligent woman honesty, presented nicely, is the best way to achieve a healthy relationship, serious or not.
If you decide not to tell her that you have no plans to escalate the connection between you two she will eventually move on anyways. After all, she won't wait forever. By prolonging the inevitable you are wasting her time and misusing her feelings toward you. I wish you the best of luck with your situation, and I hope that things in a way that benefits the both of you.
I don't mean to sound overly critical and this is just an observation/opinion of mine. But for someone who finds men that hit women to be below cockroaches (which I do as well, there is never an excuse for that) but wouldn't have a problem basically stringing a girl along because of the chance she's having sex with you, it's somewhat of a contradiction to me. You've made it clear that you have no interest in resurrecting the relationship and you should leave it at that. If she wants to move forward but you obviously don't, maybe you need to reiterate that to her and perhaps cut back on the amount of time you spend with her. Otherwise you run the risk of making her think that maybe you've changed your mind and you do want to resurrect the relationship.