Ben-DutkaI took a risk last week and posted something rather personal , something I would never have tried if I thought the community here would just laugh at the entire situation. And although I wasn't surprised at the encouraging replies, I was surprised at the number of responses. As Arnold said, it was epic! So I suppose you guys wouldn't mind hearing about the Part 2…
The part 2 started only a few hours after the encounter depicted in the previous piece. The girl in question called me, and it was one of the more bizarre conversations I've ever had…with anybody. As a general side note, I believe the art of conversation is a dying trait amongst humans, and I find it most disconcerting. Many people I met have difficulty meeting your eye, they mumble, they shift about awkwardly, and they can't maintain the simplest discussion for more than a few minutes. I attribute this to the electronic age, where there's increased communication, but the quality of that communication has suffered greatly. Simply speaking normally to someone almost seems like a sad and depressing impossibility…which is one of the reasons I liked this girl in the first place. I thought charm, in both men and women, died some time back in the late 19th century, but she always had a ton of it. Perhaps best of all, she was quick-witted, which meant our conversations were more like Sports Night and less like an athlete interview on ESPN.
Anyway, she called me in a lame effort to apologize for the appalling behavior of Mr. Pretentious Jackass, which made little sense. She was on board with his blatant insults in the store – clearly – so why should things change an hour later? And furthermore, what's the point of meeting for a drink so she can "apologize appropriately?" None of this holds up to a standard logic and/or common sense breakdown, and she threw the "I guess I just don't know what I want" cop-out, which I've never accepted from anyone in any walk of life. I understand emotional confusion. I understand difficult decisions. I understand not leaping about haphazardly without thinking. But she has already made decisions and she has already determined that I'm not worthy of her attention. Just because she made a mistake and she may have realized that the guy she's with now is a colossal moron, doesn't change the fact that I didn't measure up initially. Hence, I have little to no sympathy for this plea; this thinly veiled train of thought designed to make me entertain thoughts of forgiveness.
This was my state of mind when I met her for that drink a few nights ago. But as I sat there, listening to her convoluted and unconvincing train of thought, I began to reflect on something Arnold and I spoke about (half-jokingly) after the first situation. He's not around right now; otherwise, I would've told him before I wrote this – we're pretty good about listening to each other's stories – and maybe have come to some new conclusions. But anyway, he figured it'd be a damn good idea to adopt a mode of biblical-esque revenge: if she wants me back, I wouldn't go back…but just to piss that guy off, I'd still sleep with her. Now, I do have a firm sense of morality, but this often fluctuates with the push and pull of the reality we inhabit. In all honesty, my reality is now this: a jackass with an ego the size of Wisconsin essentially poisoned and stole away a very good woman (poisoned beyond repair, I fear), and justice dictates that he shouldn't escape without suffering consequences. My fist down his throat is great for the short-term but awful for the long-term (don't need an arrest record, thanks), sooooo…
But of course, I could only consider this plan of action if I perceived the door was open at our meeting. And as rambling and falsely apologetic as she was – continually ignoring the fact she effed up – it was clear that said door is indeed open. Or, if not open, at least unlocked. But before I ask what you all think I should do, please bear in mind that I will get nothing out of this besides revenge. I have no interest in rekindling anything with this woman, and I really don't care what the hell she does. So remember, if I do this, I'd be hurting Mr. Pretentious Jackass (which I have absolutely no problem with), but I'd also be hurting her. So I suppose the sub-question is, should I really lay half the blame on her? Does she deserve the hurt I'm going to inflict? And don't think I won't read the responses; I do value feedback, and I wouldn't post this unless I did.
Lastly, I'd like to leave you with this. Down through history, men and women have fought a pitched battle that never ends, and the prize that can never be claimed may indeed be a lie. The idealistic concept of love, devised almost entirely by the imagination of literary masters who could allow our innermost thoughts and desires to explode in vibrancy on a simple sheet of paper, may, in truth, be fictional. Perhaps we're hindered and haunted by a romanticized vision of a wonderful concept, a concept that human weaknesses and deficiency can't allow to exist. Nevertheless, we can never kill that notion, and there's a reason why: the world instantly becomes almost intolerable without it. Hence, it may be more about survival than anything else.
"Search your feelings, BEN, you can't do this. I feel the conflict within you. Let go of your hate." -Luke Skywalker
It doesn't seem like the end will justify the means in this case. It's not worth hurting her to get to him, especially if you wouldn't hurt her in any other situation. Take solace in the fact that the door IS in fact open (or at least unlocked), and it's open under his watch. And that's something he'll never have over you. Be the better man. His time will come, arrogant prick that he is…
Yea Ben, i agree with recks1jtp. It would be psychedelic to get back at Mr. Pretentious jackass but if its gonna hurt the girl, I suggest you dont. SHE doesn't deserve THAT kind of castigation…….. or does she *Evil smile* just kidding 🙂
The guy deserves what SHOULD be coming to him. You gotta go for it man. Don't ever let someone insult you or what you do without getting back at them. Although I do feel bad for this lady you are talking about. You could potentially hurt her and what could be a sweet friends with benefits kinda thing =]. Maybe this is a good point for you decide to totally end it, or get the last laugh. Buttttttt…. If she's hot and you got the chance go for it man. Who knows maybe she WILL change and leave that tool and come back to you and you will accept her back =] But anyways, just go for it Ben. But, what do i know im just 15 years old hehe.
Good luck my man
Last edited by NealRad on 12/5/2008 11:01:35 PM
I wouldn't do it. In all honesty it wouldn't be right.
You would hurt him, which is fine by me. But you would hurt her. Someone who I can tell doesn't really do much for herself if she is influenced by those kinds of people. And by sleeping with her you would not only be putting the thought into her head, you would be hurting her because you don't want to be with her anymore. That isn't the right kind of hurt.
If you really want to do something. Revenge sort of speak, then I would go with something else. Technically, if he hits your first, you can hit him back in self defense. But how far you beat his ass is up to you. And whether or not they charge you for anything.
Or just kick his ass in a race.
Last edited by John Shoemaker on 12/5/2008 10:59:58 PM
My take…..by her not stepping up to the plate when the "ambulance chaser" thought he could diss you, she's just as at fault as he was.
She needs to grow a back-bone!!! There's not much worse than spineless jellyfish(no disrespect to any jelly's of the ocean variety).
I'd take the high road(my version,LOL)
"Wham, Bam"(but with a….)"No thank you mamam"…….right after.
But just make sure you put a copy of the sex tape on U-Tube first.
Payback's are a bitch!
Last edited by BikerSaint on 12/5/2008 11:15:36 PM
I agree with Mr BikerSaint,
She needs to grow a backbone and leave you alone whilst you Ben should not hurt her just to get to "Mr. Pretentious Jackass" even though he sooooooooooooo deserves it (I'm surprised you didn't floor him after what he said to you…)
blitz30952… I don't think Ben would react irrationally in a silly situation… if the chance is there, step back, think about what you are about to do before doing… If your life is threatened obviously most people who can, who are quick enough, will probably react, and usually resort to some sort of violence… if pushed!
Q!
"i aM hOMe"
Last edited by Qubex on 12/6/2008 2:56:19 AM
Yeah, see…backbone. MORE women should have that, goddamnit.
heehee, thanks for advice Qubex.. kinda reminds me of this acronym i was taught in primary school – WITS
Walk away
Ignore
Talk to someone about it
.. can't remember the S though :P…
First let me say I find it rather amusing to read something like this on a gaming site.
Now as for your big decision, I earnestly recommend you do it. She fu**ed you over, and she's clearly not the girl you once thought she was. She deserves what she's got coming to her, so go ahead and fu** her (in every sense of the word) and that a**hole as well.
They not only insulted you and laughed in your face on multiple occasions, but they also fu**ed with you in a more personal way. It's time to return the favor, and to make the a**hole look like a fool.
I am admittedly a proud and somewhat vindictive person, and I tend to take any insult quite personally. So this is all based on how I would feel if I was in your situation, you may not take it as seriously. Of course I also don't know all the details. The point is, this is just my two cents, but I do genuinely mean it based on what you've told us.
lolrrodlol… I don't think what you have written is sensible advise!
Q!
"i aM hOMe"
Forget what it would mean to Mr. Jackass or her for that matter…
What would it mean to you? I can't judge your desicion and say wheather it's right or wrong.
Only you know which desicion you can live with and which one is worth it to you.
🙁 I really would recommend that you don't do that to her, dude. Sure, that guy's a cocky jerk, but haven't we all met at least one of those in our lives? It's (usually) not good to let your anger get the best of you, and in this case, I believe it isn't the answer. However, it's your choice and your life, not mine.
i'd do it. she didnt mind running to him.she let him brainwash her theyre both guilty i say give em both what they got comin. and if ya do then take pics, get it printed on a christmas card and send it to the jackass. and bam 2 birds 1 stone. but thats just my opinion, unfortunately im quite evil. so maybe dont take my advice. but god would that be funny, not to mention very fulfilling on your end.
Revenge is always sweetest when it is planned. But, karma (if you believe in it) will eventually take care of everything. They will get theirs in due time.
Last edited by Reccaman18 on 12/5/2008 11:54:34 PM
Agreed. One must also make sure not to be in the same "vacinity" when the sh*t hits the fan.
Anyone see that movie where Jack Nicholson stars as this novelist? In one seen, a receptionist walks up to him for a signature and asks him about how he is able to understand women so well. He responds, "Simple. I think of a man, and then deprive him of reason and accountablility." As chauvinistic and politically-incorrect as it sounds, it's true. Women are wired differently. Twenty-five percent of her time, more or less, she IS biologically predisposed to being less rational than a male genetic counterpart of herself. What does that mean? If a man and a woman make the same mistake, a man is more blameworthy.
After offering an answer to your first question, I must say this. All kidding aside, although it maybe forgotten in an MTV culture that values bling-bling and bootycalls, Chivalry ain't dead. Your nobility will be your praise in victory, and best defense and mercy during the darkest hour. Don't let go of it for anything or anyone. It will reward you in good times and compensate you if you are harmed, even if it's a long time coming.
And Love occurs when you care for someone more than your own self. But it does not occur without happening both ways. Infatuation may happen both ways, but it does not stand the test of time. Lastly, be selfless, and the opportunity will present it self to you, be it in love, or war. The catch is, you can't do it for yourself.
I say do it Ben but dont burn the bridge fully down….you could get more from that connection later on. Burn the bridge but leave a couple planks up for future use lol!!
Last edited by MirrorSoul on 12/6/2008 12:06:14 AM
lol!!
Last edited by MirrorSoul on 12/6/2008 12:06:25 AM
To my mind Ben she opened(or unlocked) that door herself while in a relation with that prick, so i dont think it will hurt her but it will surely piss of the jackass, just like u want it to be)))
So yeah go for it
My vote is no. Spending anymore time with her would just be a waste. You could be doing something much more productive, such as playing video games or watching TV. If you really want to then go right ahead but do you want to look back on this day in the future and wonder just how much you hurt this girl?
"if she wants me back, I wouldn't go back…but just to piss that guy off, I'd still sleep with her."
I was rolling after I heard that.
I can't really say what I would do in that situation, so there is no way I can say what you should do. Just think about this, How will you feel after that? I'm sure it would be great to get back at the jackass, but how would you feel about hurting the girl? She obviously feels bad about what happened, even though she let it happen. She did make an effort to apalogize, however half-assed and stupid it was. She did make the effort.
Whatever you do decide to do, you have to tell us what happens.
honestly ben, i don't think you should do it unless she is worth getting back together with…. and if she is hawt, in this case i think she is.
I think sleeping with her just to make him mad would only last for so long, he might be cheating for all we know. However, if you really like this chick, do it AND get her back, that would hurt more in my opinion
I dunnoo, maybe you should win her back over. She sounds like an innocent lady that would be great company if pointed in the right direction. Her mind is tainted with that guy. Maybe it was meant to be. The awkward encounter was meant to happen.win her over. She cleary misses you is she wanted to hang out and apoligize. get her back Ben=] or take my previous advice and just ravage her and screw em over=]
Thanks much guys.
But I have to add an unexpected twist: the woman in question currently sleeps about eight feet behind my on my living room couch. She stopped over on her way back from a club with friends…wanted to talk. NO, nothing happened. We talked. She fell asleep.
I'm going to bed now. MY bed. Arnold is gonna laugh when he reads this… This night is going to test my patience; I can already tell. Is "patience" even the right word? Christ. I dunno. Tired. Later, gents.
Last edited by Ben Dutka PSXE on 12/6/2008 12:52:48 AM
BEST COMMENT OF THE DAY. (and techinically it is still yesterday here on the west coast). Hands down.
8 feet?? Have you heard any funny noises between her and the jackass? lol
Revenge is an endless circle. If you get back at him he's going to want to get even with you.
Ben, that is classic gentleman. Wouldn't have expected anything less. Guess what. She'll remember that and it will be emblazoned in her mind. Your gonna be that guy that knows how to listen. Exactly what the ladies LOVE…best of luck what ever you decide from here on…
i think in your head you have made the decision but are struggling with your morals.
you should go for it because that guy has made it clear that he thinks he is more of a man than you are and the girl concurred with her silence .
the fact that you poured your feelings out to complete strangers the other day tells that you were really hurting .
this guy needs to be taught a lesson so he would think twice before being an asshole to someone else from now on.
and even if you dont hurt the girl yourself,you think this guy is going to be true to her ? she got herself into this and is gonna get hurt one way or the other.
so i say take your revenge cause its sweeter than people make it out to be.
No, I think all of this is immature… Ben should just let it go!
Q!
"i aM hOme"
She misses you. She could be getting tired of that idiot. Give her a chance mate.
Ben, you kicked yourself for giving your hand the other day in the mall. Now you're giving your living space. Very accomadating… I hope she hasn't read this stuff. Out of precaution, delete everything…except for all the game-related stuff, ofcourse 🙂
Revenge is sweet!
Mercy is for the weak
You ask me not only does HE deserve this, but so does her.
Just make sure you've made up your mind that you'll never like her again.
By the way I agree with everything you said 'bout communication and how talking to people these days is like doing push-ups(which people naturally hate).
No longer are people interested in other people's views, ideas, ways of being. These days they want the other person to be perfect or they can just go back to their DIGITAL lives and find their perfect guy/girl there.
Anyway Arnold could best advise you, imo.
Me? I would so take revenge
Somehow I missed your original story and have just been able to catch myself up..
It is painfully obvious she still digs you. You were the one who broke it off which means she wasn't ready to give up on you. She was the one who got your attention in the mall. Then got in touch with you to apologize. From the sounds of it, she doesn't agree with pretentious jack-ass' behavior but tolerates it since he is a colleague.
I agree that the art of conversation is a dying art, but lets not forget that communication is the real reason for a conversation. I mean really getting your point across to someone and you really getting their point. (The latter being the one MOST people miss) Your IQ's and your wits are equally matched and I'm sure you had some decent times together. That unfortunately is one piece of the puzzle. I've come to realize after going through a divorce and finding my one true love that if your interests, ideals, goals, and IQ are not aligned it just wont work. From your description it sounds like you have already decided she isn't the one.
Now Ben, you must have gave it to her right if she has gone through the trouble of getting your attention twice. I don't see any harm in obliging. You are a single guy with no ties to anyone, whats the harm in giving it another try? I'm not saying she is a piece of meat, if you are going to go through with it you should at least try to really communicate with her. Maybe you missed something? At the very least, there is no harm in a booty call when you are on the market.
I apologize for my poor grammar and writing. I'm a doctor not an author and it's quite late. 😉
Last edited by JPBooch on 12/6/2008 1:38:37 AM
See now, that sounds like the simple logic and reasoning of a veteran in the world of relationships. I'm NOT one, so this helps. I will have to decide for myself if she's worth going after a second time – and you're right; I've basically made my decision on that – but I'd be interested to know what makes her…um…gravitate towards me. When, by all rights, she shouldn't be doing that.
It's just this change of heart in her that has me puzzled and annoyed. I'm not buying her apology (or her apology for the other guy), so it's hard…
Maybe her change in heart has come at realizing who the pretentious jackass really is, and what she gave up in follwing him in the first place…Ben, don't sacrifice who you are. If anything, that's what drew her to you in the first place, and that's what has brought her back. It's just the peer pressure of her "peers" that's clouding her mind. The moment you give up to these a**holes and play their game, is the moment they win.
I'm probably going to end up getting banned for this, but it needs to be said:
To anyone who tells you to go for it is a chickensh** whose closest experience to a relationship was getting frisky with the family dog late one night. It's a**holes like you that cause all the problems in this world.
As for you, Ben:
How can you deplore the degradation of society and then come up with this kind of sh**? I am truly embarrassed on your behalf.
If you're trying to show the guy who the man is, this won't be a real effective process because he'll see it more of a failing on her end than a strength on yours.
Grow a pair and step up to him if you feel you have something to prove. You don't have to fight to show him who's boss, but you can easily do so in a way that won't hurt a girl.
Have sex with the chick if you want, but do it cuz you want to, not because messing with the girls head and her relationship is going to make you more of a man. Because you wouldn't be.
I might have thought of things like that fleetingly when I was in high school, but even I have outgrown things like that.
A man should be willing to get stabbed to avoid harm to a woman (or child) and call it a fair trade.
Last edited by Ben Dutka PSXE on 12/6/2008 10:30:25 AM
After all, this guy is a lawyer. You know how easy it is to mess with a lawyer? If he lived in cali for example, you could get him in loads of trouble. With his bar number alone, you could wreak massive havoc.
In most states, all you woudl have to do is just simple file a suit saying he gave you incorrect legal advice informally, scream about it some on consumerist.com, and his firm would most likely dump him for someone with more experience in a second in this economy. If he's a solo practitioner, its even easier. Throw in a BBB complaint with the rest and some craigslist shoutouts, and he'll probably lose half his business…
Why mess with the girl? If you're still having security issues concerning her, then figure out a better way to deal with them…
Last edited by Joe_III on 12/6/2008 1:44:45 AM
First of all, I believe you said at one point you were married…? If so – and I don't want to insult any other married individuals in here – than I can understand your vehement reply. I have the feeling my married friends would respond similarly.
However, I believe that when men get married, they're far more ready and willing to make excuses for women's misconduct. They're more willing to heap all blame, even if it's not necessarily deserved, on the man's shoulders. I'm not sure if this is due to years of giving way to a woman or what, but I sense this from married men. In the world of the single people, women sleep 'em and leave 'em on a daily basis, and while I KNOW she didn't do this to me, I wouldn't necessarily do it to her, either.
Some women get what's coming to them. I just don't know if she's guilty. That's the issue.
Even though general rule of thumb would have it that revenge is a horible word, I would say go for it. I don't think you'd be hurting her because it's not like she has no clue what she wants and she's basically passed on both of you. My vote is for YES and send him a personalized video of the whole thing.
Funny how this site has turned from a gaming blog into a Dr. Phil blog….but I like it lol (this coming from someone that almost never posts)
Uh oh. You used the word blog. Ben hates that word. LOL. Anyway just as a kind of aside… while I loved this two-part post you've put up Ben, it definitely doesn't help the "we are not a blog" argument. But PSXE is not a blog, just for the record.
We're NOT….A….!
Eh, it's okay. Thanks, Shadow. 🙂
I'm sorry but I agree with the guys who say don't do it. I personally think you would hurt her way more than you would hurt him. The guy is a jackass and will probably remain so and will probably be mostly unfazed that one of the flavors he is tasting right now is soured. She is going to feel a lot more pain than I think she deserves. Don't do it man.
Another "don't do it" individual… great stuff Advent Child; as it should be!
Q!
"i aM hOMe"
Last edited by Qubex on 12/6/2008 3:05:08 AM
do whatever you feel is right but dont let that guy get away….find some way to break that piece of s*** and make him cry like a b**** .
but as i said before , this girl has dug herself a hole.
and joe, no one is talking about gallantry hear….we just want this guy to suffer cause all of us have come across a guy like this in our life….the chick is just collateral damage and no one is talking about hurting her physically.
Ben don't do it please, revenge is never an option for anything. You can beat the Jackass up if you want but don't do anything to the girl. If anything the torture of losing you will eat her up with time. If anything that's a better revenge than sleeping with her and destroying her emotionally. Do the right thing and leave the girl alone but deal with the Jackass. Somewhere out there in a galaxy far far away Yoda would be proud if you make the right decision.
i have no sympathy for sluts,so i say go for it.
sluts? dude…… not cool