Sometimes, I just feel like smacking Uwe Boll's hand like a mother swats a naughty child, saying something like, "NO. You don't play with that. That's only for big boys."

Uwe Boll seems to believe he can finally make a decent movie and this time, he's going with "Bloodrayne 3: Warhammer." …yeah, we have no idea what that means, either. It's either a severely bizarre melding of two things that really don't have much in common, or the title is almost entirely meaningless and we can simply expect a lot more in the way of blood and bad acting. But either way, this movie has been confirmed so there's no avoiding it, despite all the obvious comments that spring to mind…"there was no Bloodrayne 3 video game" and "what the snot does Warhammer have to do with it?" We do know that Kristanna Loken will return but we can only interpret that as meaning it's tough for her to find other work. She's worth seeing in tight outfits – don't get me wrong; I love hotties in skin-hugging leather – but beyond that, it's difficult to believe this movie will be anything all that spectacular. Heck, at this point, maybe Boll should just shoot for "mediocre."

Eh, maybe we're being too hard on the guy. Maybe he'll surprise everyone when Bloodrayne 3: Warhammer is one of the best and most under-appreciated action flicks of the year. …and maybe I'm marrying a super model with an IQ of 180 and moving to New Zealand tomorrow morning.

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WorldEndsWithMe
WorldEndsWithMe
11 years ago

I can think of no better place to use basic internet jibberjab than right here: Epic Fail.

I wouldn't mind a massive overhaul of the video game Bloodrayne for a part 3 this generation though.


Last edited by WorldEndsWithMe on 11/22/2009 10:23:42 PM

Dancemachine55
Dancemachine55
11 years ago

Why doesn't Uwe Boll just give up? Accept that he's a terrible filmmaker?

Also Ben, while in New Zealand, say hi to Flight of the Conchords for me. Bring back a sheep.

Hezzron
Hezzron
11 years ago

Boll is the best at what he does, and what he does is make truly terrible films.

Saying one of his films is better than the other is like saying that getting punched in the kidneys isn’t as bad as getting kicked in the balls. Both still hurt and you don’t want either.

I heard he can't get on an airplane because of all his bombs.

Karosso
Karosso
11 years ago

Who the hell is crazy enough to pay this guy to direct a movie??
Does he work for food and a trailer?

TGG
TGG
11 years ago

"…and maybe I'm marrying a super model with an IQ of 180 and moving to New Zealand tomorrow morning."

If the Lord of the Rings films were still being shot, you might actually have been able to have your curiously specific demands fulfilled. (Hot elf ladies)

Orvisman
Orvisman
11 years ago

They are shooting the two-part Hobbit movie.

BTNwarrior
BTNwarrior
11 years ago

I saw a bit of the second one on tv, and I think it made me dumber


Last edited by BTNwarrior on 11/22/2009 10:53:01 PM

Nerull
Nerull
11 years ago

lol This would prolly be better off if it was just Kristanna Loken's character playing warhammer.
God knows the 40k movie will take forever if it's coming.

Alienange
Alienange
11 years ago

This guy's movies are so awful, but you can't look away, just in case something REALLY awful happens.

Sir Shak
Sir Shak
11 years ago

Never heard of him , what movies has he made ?

New Zealand reminds me that I need to get my passport renewed and steal some money to take a trip down there .

Buckeyestar
Buckeyestar
11 years ago

You're better off not knowing. On the other hand, perhaps it would prevent you from killing any precious brain cells by partaking of his wretched films.

___________
___________
11 years ago

eh dont count your chickens before they hatch.
the last time i ended up ignoring a movie thinking it would be crap, i ended up kicking myself waiting so long to see it.
speak of the devil, anyone remember the blade game back on ps1?
the first one was really good, the second one sucked donkey ball$ just like the movie.
shame they did not do a 3rd game to go along with the movie.
"i was born ready mother%$#@er"
ahhh best most useful thing to come out of a movie ever, lost count the amount of times ive used that one.
maybe valve can use it for its next L4D series since L4D2 is getting a little old.

therabbitkinge
therabbitkinge
11 years ago

Someones watching these movies… it can't have a fanbase there's gotta be just one douchebag buying up tons of tickets to make money for uwe boll movies…

I think its safe to say half the person who watched Bloodrayne 1-2 died a bit on the inside or had never actually played Bloodrayne.

therabbitkinge
therabbitkinge
11 years ago

Not to say Bloodrayne was good or bad but why did Uwe even decide to make movies based on that game? And what the hell promted a 3rd movie?

WHO IS THIS FAN!!! WHERE IS HE/SHE AND WHY DID HE/SHE WATCH AND BEG FOR 3 VERSIONS OF THIS DAMNED MOVIE?!?!

LowKey
LowKey
11 years ago

Awwww, Noooooo maaaannnn. I saw the second and it was sooooo lame. At least make it decent this time. There werent even any boobies in 2.

frylock25
frylock25
11 years ago

no boobies?!? what the hell is that! ugh why cant there just be boobies all the time. nice round firm boobies….

bigrailer19
bigrailer19
11 years ago

coincedintally i just read an article on msn of there top 10 worst games to movies, and bloodrayne was on there, and it makes me ask why? as well.

I know msn isnt a gameing place but ill read most anything that has to do with games to see other peple opinions wether its jibberish or not. But there is a reason i keep coming back here! ūüėČ

Anyways, why?

just2skillf00l
just2skillf00l
11 years ago

No idea who Uwe Boll is. But as soon as I saw the image of that woman, I instantly thought of Quentin Tarantino. I don't care what anybody says, he can make a movie. It might be socially awkward in comparison to the standard Hollywood movie, but that's another reason why I enjoy his movies. Kill Bill's were good, Death Proof was insane, Inglorious Bastards was hilarious and some of his older flicks were cool too. If you haven't heard of him, you should jump into the pool of his movies, but whatever you do, don't get "WET".

Yeah I'm talking to you Ruby. With your guns and samurai sword…yeah…like we haven't seen that before. Cough cough…Red Steel.

Vivi_Gamer
Vivi_Gamer
11 years ago

I only heard of the Far Cry movie when i saw it DVD. I remeber watching house of the dead of 20 mins but i just couldnt watch it anymore.

Godslim
Godslim
11 years ago

dude dont bother watching the far cry movie it sucks!

cowboy828
cowboy828
11 years ago

here is hope that it is better than the first

coverton341
coverton341
11 years ago

This just in from Uwe Boll himself:

"All you gamers can kiss my a$$. I will destroy any and all franchises I want. Next on the list are my hybrids 'Metal Gear Big Planet', 'Assassin's Infamous Creed', and 'Halo Fantasy VII' starring Master Cloud. Suck it dolphin!"

Geez…That guy really is an asshat isn't he?

Lemon_Saint
Lemon_Saint
11 years ago

I agree with the sentiments posted here with one exception … I enjoyed Postal. He finally realized that he is a suck-ass director, and he even has a bit role in the film calling himself out on how bad he is. If you haven't seen it, it was kind of like Leslie Nielson's movies …. nowhere near as funny, but good brain-dead fun nonetheless. My biggest gripe is that you see WAY more of Dave Foley's naughty bits than you ever wanted to see. But his other movies, yeah, waste of time.

bridgera
bridgera
11 years ago

Uwe Boll used to have both Blood Rayne and Blood Rayne II both simultaneously on IMDB's bottom 100 list (sadly, you now need to make a movie less than 2.1/10 stars to get on that list, and BR 1&2 are 2.5 stars).

I believe it is his goal to be the first trilogy on IMDB's bottom 100 list.

alnemozac
alnemozac
11 years ago

Whats wrong with New Zealand?

556pineapple
556pineapple
11 years ago

This is worse news than when I heard the guy who wrote "Legend of Chun Li" was writing the SotC movie… no wait, that was still worse.

To quote GOB Bluth: "COME ON!!!"

cadpig
cadpig
11 years ago

God!!! make him stop!!!

I really like Bloodranye, the character. The comics are pretty good.

BikerSaint
BikerSaint
11 years ago

For the first time in my 57 years,
I'm wondering……who in the hell is Ewe Bolls??????

And who the f*ck went off the Prozac long enough to name him that?????