Editor's note: This is another reader editorial, and this one is satirical (as you'll soon see). It's well worth a look and a laugh, and if you wish to submit something to us, visit the Reader Submission topic in our forums. And just remember: many people can be funny, but for something like this, you really need to know gaming. Thankfully, he does. ๐Ÿ˜‰

We all play video games to escape from the real world, live out fantasies, and entertain ourselves when the real world just won't do. But what if the lessons learned in certain genres of games could be applied to real life? Let's look at a rundown of the top ten for four popular genres shall we?

RPGs:

10) People will repeat themselves on a never ending loop.

9) If you are anywhere in the vicinity of a crime scene, you will be blamed; never mind the lack of evidence.

8) A little girl can kick just as much ass as a seasoned war veteran.

7) Although guns have been invented, they rarely cause serious damage to anyone and are no match for a sword.

6) You will be forced to play a little game that makes absolutely no sense at all.

5) Magic is useless if you are caught and imprisoned.

4) Faking an illness or snakebite will get you out of jail.

3) If you are caught and tossed in jail, your weapons will not be confiscated or they will be put well within reach.

2) It is perfectly acceptable behavior to barge into peoples homes and rummage through their things.

1) All princesses can't wait to ditch their proper clothes and throw on a miniskirt/hotpants/tube top/etc.

Platformers:

10) There is nothing at all disconcerting about talking animals.

9) Parallel dimensions are a scientific certainty.

8) Nope, you're not paranoid, the entire world actually is out to get you.

7) Invincibility is only achievable at a time when it is entirely useless.

6) Do not be alarmed, significant changes in your abilities will cause your skin or clothing to change color.

5) Must…collect…things that spin in the air!

4) It is solid physics that gives you the ability to jump and then change direction in mid-air.

3) Immersion in water can be lethal.

2) Jumping on others is an effective form of homicide.

1) The local safety board refuses to fill or bridge those pesky neverending pits.

Survival/Horror:

10) Someone will ask "How do you kill something that's already dead?"

9) Crouching should be sufficient action to take in order to hide.

8) Expect to meet a creepy child.

7) That thing you thought you killed? It ain't dead.

6) Hillbilly communities are the most susceptible to breakouts of zombie-flu.

5) No, swinging a cudgel wildly as zombies swarm you will not save your ass.

4) You will regret dropping that empty rocket launcher to make more room in your backpack.

3) Anyone tagging along will do all in their power to get killed.

2) The big shots think that a disease which can turn the entire human race into walking corpses might somehow be useful to the future benefit of mankind.

1) You will always be low on bullets.

FPSs:

10) Tossing away a clip with a few bullets left in it will not result in the loss of those bullets.

9) Indifference to proper grenade-throwing techniques results in very pissed off comrades.

8) A single man has the best chance of bringing down an entire army.

7) Severe injury causes color blindness.

6) People have no problem with you exchanging your depleted weapon for their full one.

5) If you shoot a bad guy, it does not necessarily follow that he will notice it.

4) It is considered light, breezy comedy to execute a good friend on a whim.

3) You have a device or affliction that causes your health to regenerate just by resting.

2) Multiple gunshot wounds are easily healed by applying first aid.

1) You have no legs, and you never did.

Subscribe
Notify of
41 Comments
Oldest
Newest Most Voted
Inline Feedbacks
View all comments
Morals
Morals
11 years ago

lol

Morals
Morals
11 years ago

the clichés of de vidya games

Natalisrubbish
Natalisrubbish
11 years ago

HAHA soo true. Nice work,

LegendaryWolfeh
LegendaryWolfeh
11 years ago

Lol this was a good laugh

Scarecrow
Scarecrow
11 years ago

6) You will be forced to play a little game that makes absolutely no sense at all.

^Heh, doesn't that also apply to babes?

WorldEndsWithMe
WorldEndsWithMe
11 years ago

hahh, yeah I'd say so.

ThugNificent101
ThugNificent101
11 years ago

haha that was actually a pretty entertaining read
good job ๐Ÿ™‚

MRSUCCESS
MRSUCCESS
11 years ago

"1) You have no legs, and you never did."

Haha, that was the funniest one I found. It's true, that's why I rarely see mirrors in First Person Shooters.

somethingrandom
somethingrandom
11 years ago

Ha I have only seen one FPS that showed legs.

WorldEndsWithMe
WorldEndsWithMe
11 years ago

Confession, thats the one that came from another user in the forums where I asked people to submit their own. I forget who, but if you're reading this thanks and feel free to chime in. The rest are all mine.


Last edited by WorldEndsWithMe on 6/21/2009 12:52:20 PM

Qwarktast1c
Qwarktast1c
11 years ago

lol that was great

Anonymous
Anonymous
11 years ago

I dont get it, how is this satire? This stuff happens to me all the time! ๐Ÿ˜‰

Anonymous
Anonymous
11 years ago

The biggest BS in a RPG I've ever seen was in FF7. When the sales guy is in that cave (or whatever it was) before the last fight with Sepiroth.

You're a party of incredibly powerful fighters who are being attacked by monsters, but somehow this freak gets in there with no problems and is just waiting there for you to appear so he can sell you items and weapons, even though you're trying to save the world.

Masterofallz
Masterofallz
11 years ago

2) It is perfectly acceptable behavior to barge into peoples homes and rummage through their things.

…Win.

tes37
tes37
11 years ago

Thumbs up to WorldEndsWithMe


Last edited by tes37 on 6/21/2009 12:32:17 AM

www
www
11 years ago

Yup, i thought as much it was coming from him, big ups ๐Ÿ™‚


Last edited by www on 6/21/2009 9:07:34 AM

Banky A
Banky A
11 years ago

Yeeeah David/World

Scarecrow
Scarecrow
11 years ago

In Thousand Arms (rpg) they actually tell you things 'bout how you actually coming into their house

Such a funny/fun game ๐Ÿ˜€

Kowhoho
Kowhoho
11 years ago

That was hilarious. I feel like I missed something regarding a few of those RPG points though.

raidtimedope
raidtimedope
11 years ago

the ones that made me really smile.

4) You will regret dropping that empty rocket launcher to make more room in your backpack.

10) Tossing away a clip with a few bullets left in it will not result in the loss of those bullets.

Fane1024
Fane1024
11 years ago

3) Anyone tagging along will do all in their power to get killed.

They were all funny, but this one's my favorite. It pretty much applies across the board. My favorite example is from 24 The Game, where I told Kim Bauer to stay put in a safe place and she proceeded to run at full speed directly toward the terrorists. Thanks, Kim.

World FTW.


Last edited by Fane1024 on 6/21/2009 5:24:38 AM

coldbore
coldbore
11 years ago

Lmfao, I think u got the most of them, but u forgot the driving genre, a car is alwayd drivable after smashing into a wall at 100mph


Last edited by coldbore on 6/21/2009 8:02:03 AM

coldbore
coldbore
11 years ago

Ugh I can't think of anything to go with NOS/boost

WolfCrimson
WolfCrimson
11 years ago

Your NOS/boost can even fill up just by driving on the wrong side of the road.

Skatejimmy5
Skatejimmy5
11 years ago

LMAO, those were really funny ones! Great job! ๐Ÿ˜€

jmo_INDY_Repub
jmo_INDY_Repub
11 years ago

ehhh….that was only slightly freaking hilarious.haha, nice one.

tlpn99
tlpn99
11 years ago

Reading it a 2nd time World still made me laugh loads. Good job ๐Ÿ™‚

WorldEndsWithMe
WorldEndsWithMe
11 years ago

Thanks for the props guys, I would love to do every genre but a guy does have his favorites. Sounds like this one was a hit. ๐Ÿ™‚

Anonymous
Anonymous
11 years ago

Good job World.

ec0li
ec0li
11 years ago

thumbs up nyahahaaa!

Deadman
Deadman
11 years ago

World was made an example of HaHa.
Good stuff guy FPS rule #1 You Dont have legs you never did" Should be a T-shirt. I just made you a millionaire your welcome.
Off topic but Im Half way through the book expect my review soon (october or so I am the wolrds slowest and most distracted reader.)

WorldEndsWithMe
WorldEndsWithMe
11 years ago

Much appreciated Deadman, hope you like it. The last reviewer REALLY did not, but everyone else seems to. Hmmm.

King James
King James
11 years ago

World FTW!

Good FPS lessons:
"Cause I ain't got no legs!/
Or…No Brain!"


Last edited by King James on 6/21/2009 6:34:26 PM

Kangasfwa
Kangasfwa
11 years ago

FPS #11: Standing next to highly explosive barrels is a perfectly reasonable idea.

psxmax
psxmax
11 years ago

You should be a full time writer for PSXE. I personally have the problem with blowing up teammates with grenades unintentionally.
Long Live Final Fantasy.

How did you manage to get a picture of Ms. Amy, Ms. Courtney, and Ms. Dental Hygienist? (^o^)

WorldEndsWithMe
WorldEndsWithMe
11 years ago

gracias on the clear complement ๐Ÿ˜‰

sunspider13
sunspider13
11 years ago

ROFL

Qubex
Qubex
11 years ago

Great read World ๐Ÿ™‚

Q!

"i am home"

Frenchy17
Frenchy17
11 years ago

Good Job David! Funny stuff right there!

SubjectiveTruth
SubjectiveTruth
11 years ago

For FPS how about "Running in circles and jumping about is a highly effective alternative to using cover and or tactics"?

SubjectiveTruth
SubjectiveTruth
11 years ago

For FPS how about "Running in circles and jumping about is a highly effective alternative to using cover and or tactics"?