Think what you see in that pic is every man's dream? Sure. It is if women didn't have faulty wiring upstairs .

I was going to just let this slide as it isn't the most earth-shattering conclusion to the story, but everyone keeps asking so after putting it off for a few weeks, I suppose I should provide you with the finale. Sadly, it's not what some of you shoot-for-the-stars types had hoped for, although I will say it got a lot closer to the stratosphere than I had ever anticipated. If you remember, I was away for the weekend a few weeks ago, and yes, it included the two girls in that mini-saga (if you need a refresher course, just check the Special Features section). One of them was going to a Memorial Day/Weekend party thrown by her company up in Boston, and her good friend planned to tag along. They asked if I wanted to go, and only because I didn't have to drive (haaaaate getting into Boston) and didn't have to worry about paying for a hotel room, I decided I may as well.

For the record, Arnold didn't think it was a very good idea, but as it turned out, he was neither right or wrong. I just decided to go with the flow: hence, when Ms. Amy said it'd be perfectly fine for me to stay with Ms. Courtney (after all, I had already slept with Ms. Amy and the deal between the two, contrary to all reason and rationale, still existed), and so I did. And so…we "did." I'm not about to get into details but the next day, weird sh** started to happen, and it wasn't the weird sh** I would've expected. No, we were hanging out together for the weekend so there was a lot of joking around, and immediately after that night with Ms. Courtney, Ms. Amy got very playful. She was actually the first – and last – person to even bring up the word "threesome." The proper response was to laugh, which I did, but Ms. Courtney seemed taken aback. Ms. Amy tried to tell me in confidence that it was just a big act, but if it was, she's effing Meryl Streep. Ms. Courtney positively didn't like the idea and worse…

Ms. Amy may not have been joking as we assumed from the start. She just kept bringing it up. Finally, after another day, things came to a head on Sunday when Ms. Amy sat herself down in my lap in the hotel room, turned, and gestured to Ms. Courtney. It was the cusp of…….nope, too bad. Ms. Courtney considered, laughed, and promptly left the room. Ms. Amy rolled her eyes. The only song playing in my head was Disturbed's "Down With the Sickness." Ms. Courtney hasn't spoken to either of us since and Ms. Amy is all happy-go-lucky and convinced that her friend is just playing "hard-to-get" and that I shouldn't disappear. Throughout all of this, I had little to no input. It was like watching the most effed-up play in existence. Women aren't from Venus; they're from another universe entirely; they often relate to one another in a series of bizarre ways that leave men speechless. The entire weekend made absolutely no logical sense, and the worst part was, all three of us had to drive back together…yeah, that was awkward.

And so, this is where things stay. I've seen Ms. Amy since but not Ms. Courtney who only e-mailed me to ask "how things were going." I believe my response (in my head) to seeing that message was precisely this, "…how are things GOING? What the FU** is UP with you women?!" Don't know where to go with this; don't know what to do. All I know is that both these women may be borderline crazy, and there seems to be a perfectly nice dental hygienist who I met this past week (part 2 of the root canal) that may actually be normal. Or, then again, probably not . Bah. Nutjobs. Fruit loops. They've got retarded squirrels juggling knives in their heads! All of 'em!

P.S. I did get them both, though. Not at the same time, but hey, I played by the rules, damnit.

Subscribe
Notify of
89 Comments
Oldest
Newest Most Voted
Inline Feedbacks
View all comments
Victor321
Victor321
11 years ago

T.T What a beautiful start to my weekend! Thanks So Much, this story made my day =D

Oyashiro
Oyashiro
11 years ago

I don't know if I should high five you or feel sorry for you…

Riku994
Riku994
11 years ago

WOO Ben! Gettin some action, yet sadly not all at once. Whatever, take what you can get haha! Tahnk you for finally putting this up!

WorldEndsWithMe
WorldEndsWithMe
11 years ago

2 for 3 ain't bad Ben, but I gotta say your recent trip into the female twilight zone has been like a car wreck, I should've looked away a long time ago but I couldn't stop staring. I suppose in the end it would always have become a denouement, but I can't blame you for sitting there dumbfounded. Around female logic I am always dumbfounded.


Last edited by WorldEndsWithMe on 6/5/2009 11:23:19 PM

Ben Dutka PSXE
Ben Dutka PSXE
11 years ago

Around female WHAT? …was that…was that "logic" you used there?

Oh wait, I used it too. Okay, we all have to stop using that word in relation to females. 😉

robinhood2010
robinhood2010
11 years ago

Woman = Entropy

Dooby_Scooby
Dooby_Scooby
11 years ago

You know when women get logical ?

When they get married and have a kid, before that they really are completely and utterly unbalanced hormonally mentally physically..

They want but they dont want.. They dont want but they want.. The No is actually a yes and a no and a maybe.

They don't want guys that are just players, but they put you into shi**y situations that mean that you have to play "the game" and if you refuse good luck, because she will be in bed with the guy that chatted the sh** she wanted to here in her ear..

Screw trying to work out their logic.They are all crazy your absolutely right, they really are.

Akuma_
Akuma_
11 years ago

Females and their friends are crazy.

My girlfriend is the nicest sweetest girl i've ever met…..but when her best friend is around….BAM! shes a completely different person.

Troy Powers
Troy Powers
11 years ago

For the record, if this was a car wreck, sign me up to be a test dummy in the next one.

therabbitkinge
therabbitkinge
11 years ago

Your not exactly screwed…although I couldn't suggest how to deal….seems as though ms.amy wants ms.courtney and tried to use you as a buffer to knock boots with the fine lady. (Btw kudos man lol)

Fane1024
Fane1024
11 years ago

I concur.

Or she wanted to get rid of her and has watched a lot of Seinfeld.

p.s I have two friends who ended up in menages and neither situation ended well.


Last edited by Fane1024 on 6/6/2009 2:38:31 AM

Sol
Sol
11 years ago

…Understanding women is something we guys can't do, no matter how much we may want to. I gotta admit though Ben, you do live an entertaining life.

Ben Dutka PSXE
Ben Dutka PSXE
11 years ago

Only in brief stretches. The vast majority is mundane, I promise.

GuernicaReborn
GuernicaReborn
11 years ago

I think someone here needs to pen a screenplay quick, before hollywood does.

iPwn_3G
iPwn_3G
11 years ago

BTW, I love the retarded squirrel comment. Funniest thing ever, except maybe for the your story.

Troy Powers
Troy Powers
11 years ago

Ben, the brief moments of excellence are what make the vast stretches of mundane worthwhile.

Jiggy
Jiggy
11 years ago

Congratulations Ben! You've discovered that 99% of women are nutcases. If this dental hygienist is as normal as you think…you better hold on to it cause she would be the 1 in 1,000 that won't set your brain on fire.

Scarecrow
Scarecrow
11 years ago

Oh god Ben, you make make my eyes sparkle

I really admire you. No no just 'cause of the "fun" parts. But the way you analzy these women hehe *clears tears*

Sounds a lot like me and my friends, seriously babes have weird brains, sometimes I wonder how the f*ck humanity is actually alive. Women's minds are a puzzle beyond anything lol. Sure one can get with them and have fun and all, no problem in that. But actually STAYING with them for long periods of times can 'cause some mental damage hahaha 😀

Anyway thanks for the update hehehe

Ben reminds me of the guy from Grand Theft Auto III 😀

Ben Dutka PSXE
Ben Dutka PSXE
11 years ago

Remember the puzzle box in Hellraiser?

That's what's in every woman's brain. God help us all if we ever solve it. You just better hope THEY can't solve it, either.


Last edited by Ben Dutka PSXE on 6/6/2009 12:43:41 AM

s360s
s360s
11 years ago

That's crazy you got to sleep with them both and your currently with the slightly better looking one Ms. Amy. Although I would watch out about Ms. Amy. She sounds like a cheater but I could be wrong.

edit:
Very good read though.


Last edited by s360s on 6/5/2009 11:47:20 PM

GuernicaReborn
GuernicaReborn
11 years ago

The last email from Ms. Courtney was pretty wierd. Kinda reminds me of the last scare from the killer in a horror movie. Just when you think she's gone for good… BAM! I bet she enjoyed wagging the possibility of two girls at once in your face.

The drive home sounded great. Did they make you sit in the back, or did you sit with one of the girls? I would have told them that a threesome is the ultimate multitasking option. Why spread something out over two nights that can be easily accomplished in one?

Ben Dutka PSXE
Ben Dutka PSXE
11 years ago

I sat in front. I don't think Ms. Courtney wanted to sit next to Ms. Amy.

It was a loooooong ride.

NiteKrawler
NiteKrawler
11 years ago

…Ah…hmmm…

LegendaryWolfeh
LegendaryWolfeh
11 years ago

Jeez, it'd be just so awkward for them to read this article XD

TheHighlander
TheHighlander
11 years ago

I could be wrong, but with the exception of the author, the names may have been changed to protect the guilty… 😉


Last edited by TheHighlander on 6/6/2009 1:00:35 AM

GuernicaReborn
GuernicaReborn
11 years ago

They can still read it. And even though we don't know who they are, we know the crimes they committed. Oh, the shame.

WorldEndsWithMe
WorldEndsWithMe
11 years ago

Yeah, I dunno if u were around when this all began Highlander but at least one has already read one episode. It's clear who is who.

TheHighlander
TheHighlander
11 years ago

I was around, I just wasn't sure whether or not Ben used their real names – I can't remember. I'm sure that the three of them know who each other are, but do any others know?

Ben Dutka PSXE
Ben Dutka PSXE
11 years ago

No real names. And I'm not sure either one actually comes here; they visited once or twice just to see what I do. But beyond that…

mastiffchild
mastiffchild
11 years ago

Beyond that? Man, they'll be all over this like piggies at swill time! Do you honestly think that when two(probably attention fond at least)have a deal like this they won't check out what you think?

Every chance they get they'll have pawed over their second hand name infamy to find out what you think and how they look esp Ms Amy if the deal was hers with designs of the fullest surf and turf available.

You really think these girls are well afjusted enough to let you just write what you like without even checking it?

That's some great big chunks of naive you been swallowing! And threesomes? You had a lucky escape-generally not the greatest idea even if it does seem a fantastic idea at the time. Besides, I chafe real easy!

Sack 'em both dude, though, in my head Ms Courtney now seems less likely to have been behind much of this and may actually just have wanted to get to know you-possibly much more than her mate.

jaybiv
jaybiv
11 years ago

Wow B Dukats! This is turning out to be a soap opera. Sounds like the mack is back! Have you been using Axe body spray or something bro? Thanks for the keeping us in the loop.

GuernicaReborn
GuernicaReborn
11 years ago

Sixty percent of the time it works every time.

Midris7
Midris7
11 years ago

Haha, got to love that movie.

ArnoldK PSXE
ArnoldK PSXE
11 years ago

Oh, look, a car speeding down the road. Quick, Ben, see what happens if you jump in front of it.

These bitches are fuckin crazy!

Ben Dutka PSXE
Ben Dutka PSXE
11 years ago

Of course they are. They're DRIVING that car!

robinhood2010
robinhood2010
11 years ago

@ffrulez

Simples, I agree. lol

Jian2069
Jian2069
11 years ago

Yeah driving's not quite as easy as operating a washing machine, is it?

somethingrandom
somethingrandom
11 years ago

They have it easy, us guys only think about 4 things. Sex, food, sleep, and technology!

fluffer nutter
fluffer nutter
11 years ago

I try not to sound sexist (although I'm sure that I am and all can agree) but when it comes to women
1. Do not try to understand them. They do not want to be understood and this should not be attempted by any sane man.
2. Repeat no. 1. No, really. Read that again. Inscribe it into your brain.
3. Women are another species. Now, to all of you haters, this works as a compliment, as well. Don't think so? Then you prove me right. 😉

I have dated many women and friended a lot of them. This isn't bragging, but the many interactions with groups of women have enlightened me on many things and have taught me A LOT. You can be literal with a woman when saying something but she will always take the most oddball approach and will assume that you meant something very outlandish. Try this out. Tell her you bought her some calcium pills because she's over 25 and needs to start helping offset osteoporosis because you want to spend a nice, healthy long life with her. What's she going to think or say? She's going to think that
1. You think she's old.
2. You're telling her she's old and this somehow implies that she's very boring.
3. Not only is she old and boring but you're now interested in someone else.
4. Now, she thinks she knows what other woman you've been aiming for and starts to get extremely upset that you would even think of doing this.
5. She's thinking of ways to skin you alive in a very, very painful manner. (Is there a non-painful manner? I mean, really.)

She may vocalize some of this (or all) and you laugh because of how outlandish it is. Now, you've laughed at her (no, not at what the context is or anything that just transpired) and she's going to go even more berzerk. So, you tell her she's just being a woman AND do not even try to help dig yourself out of the hole that you somehow put yourself in because she's dead set on what she thinks is right.

You read this and wonder who are the fools? Us, men… because we love us some booty and all the fixin's. Ha ha. There's no hope. No hope!


Last edited by fluffer nutter on 6/6/2009 1:36:02 AM

SkantDragon
SkantDragon
11 years ago

Eh? Sounds to me like Ms. Amy is poly. Poly isn't crazy. But I suppose if you're straight and narrow vanilla, it probably seems like it to you.

Here's my advice. If you're Mr. Vanilla (and it sounds like you are), Ms. Amy probably isn't for you. Kinky people and vanilla people aren't really compatible. You'll end up more and more disgusted with her taboo behavior, and she'll end up frustrated with your vanilla'ness.

You might do better to call it off with her and look up Ms. Courtney again. From what you've described, she may be more your speed.

superjew
superjew
11 years ago

As far as I'm concerned there is NOTHING normal about anybody in the Dental industry.

By the way, is it just me or are female dental hygienists always hot?

Ben Dutka PSXE
Ben Dutka PSXE
11 years ago

I asked myself that the other day.

I wish I lived near a dentist school or something.

SarahPalinMILF
SarahPalinMILF
11 years ago

no…i think the majority of them are indeed hot…

kevinater321
kevinater321
11 years ago

mhmmmm….(thinks back to a dream i had the other day)

Sir Shak
Sir Shak
11 years ago

I think you should pursue other women(perhaps the dentist girl) and keep Amy as a potential add on . She seems like it wouldn't be a problem with her .

Whatever happens , you sure are one lucky guy .

SaladFingers
SaladFingers
11 years ago

/facepalm

Mr Bitey
Mr Bitey
11 years ago

Sleeping with two separate women, even if it's not at the same time, still sounds like a win to me.

A close friend of mine had that luxury once. Believe it or not… he didn't enjoy it. He was dating the one girl steadily for a while. Adding another girl randomly for a fling, just made things weird and complicated.

shadowpal2
shadowpal2
11 years ago

GET UP AND COME ON GET DOWN WITH THE SICKNESS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

pillz81
pillz81
11 years ago

OOH WAH AH AH AH!

Swavey
Swavey
11 years ago

the song that should have been playing in your head was Atreyu – right side of the bed. WHO'S SLEEPING ON MY SIDE OF THE BEEEEEEEEDDDD, TONIIIIGHT!!??? LOL