It's the return of my very personal "Once Upon A Time" series, due entirely to popular demand. For those of you who are unfamiliar, this began on a sudden whim late last year, when I decided to trust our excellent community with the retelling of a personal experience that I thought would be interesting. The response was amazing, so I continued it, and most of you probably know what came of it…quite the little adventure, but things have been quiet since.

So I was talking to Arnold last week, and I brought up the question of age regarding relationships. You guys will have to help me out too with your own opinions (what, you think I do this just for you?), so feel free to speak your mind. The reason I presented the question is because, now that I'm over 30, I'm starting to consider age difference for the first time in my life. So perhaps you may be asking, what prompted the consideration in the first place? Well, it stands to reason that if I go where most single people hang out (bars, clubs, etc.), I will typically find females that are a good deal younger than me. Now, I don't have any issue whatsoever with ladies in their mid-20s (uh, how could I?), but might they have an issue with me ? I'm a man…I can handle bad news, so let it fly, if you must.

For the record, my last girlfriend – yep, the unwitting star of my previous editorial series – was only 24, so clearly, it's not an issue for every girl. But I'm starting to talk to girls where 30 is pretty much their "limit," and it's starting to worry me… It concerns me because when I encounter a supremely cute waitress who can't possibly be any older than 21 or 22, I balk at the romantic request. The good news is I've never really had any difficulty talking to women; that's not bragging, because a lot of times, I don't have enough sense to realize when I'm making a fool out of myself. But I never worry about talking to any of them, no matter how hot or supposedly intimidating they may be. What's the worst that can happen? Yeah, I make a fool of myself…oooooh, no, whatever am I going to do? Go home and hang myself? Really, who cares ?

But for the first time, I hesitate talking to this girl, and it's entirely due to the age thing. Arnold tells me I'm over-thinking it – as I tend to do – and he's good at simplifying the issue to the point where I realize I should laugh at my overly complicated methods. But really, age does factor in somehow…doesn't it? It has to. Maybe it only alters what I have to say in regards to the opening line and first conversation. Maybe she wouldn't even guess that I'm that much older than her. Look, I've done this enough where I know for a fact that 32-year-old women and 22-year-old are very, very different, and you can't treat them both the same way. Thankfully, I've talked to enough where I have some experience with many ages, but now that I'm the one considering an age barrier…well, it's kinda freaking me out.

I'm human, not a demigod. No matter how much I've always wanted to be a character like Cloud (yep, still a nerd), I'm really not. LOL

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LegendaryWolfeh
LegendaryWolfeh
11 years ago

I'd had situations like that…only…the other way around XD both my girlfriends were older than me. And I would always think about it and be like ":( I wonder if she wishes I was older" cuz my current…kinda…ish… gf Also tells me she likes guys older then her and then i'm just left like.. "WTF?" so yeah. But I dunno Ben, I mean women do date superly old men lol all over the news =P so I don't think it's really a big deal, until…you're 40 =P

LegendaryWolfeh
LegendaryWolfeh
11 years ago

HAHAHAHAHA ps. FIRST XD epic lolz

WorldEndsWithMe
WorldEndsWithMe
11 years ago

kinda ish, superlol.

bigrailer19
bigrailer19
11 years ago

yea im with legendary until u encounter that woman or girl that makes u feel like ur too old id say the boundary is 40 even then if u got money your ok so… Hugh is doing great but hes legend so… and even when u do get hit with a curve ball and u swing and miss with one get back out there u still got 2 swings left if were speaking baseball but i wouldnt worry bout it unless a pattern turns up. do your thing Ben! (im obviously no love guru)
can i get back to my ps3 now! 😉


Last edited by bigrailer19 on 2/21/2009 11:50:00 PM

Dridion
Dridion
11 years ago

Srry for getting of topic but its comments like these:

http://gear.ign.com/articles/955/955499c.html#comments_top?p=5&s=ASC

and sites/posts like these:

http://www.escapistmagazine.com/news/view/88145-PS3-Is-Dying-On-The-Shelves

that truly piss me off. WTF is wrong with the gaming community. Its as if the world was dominated by the xbot fanboys. These reasons made me, realize over the weekend, that it's true and ign is, most definitely, getting more gayer by the second. Every site except this one seems to down sony for unlegit reasons. What I can't seem to realize is WHY? Call me fanboy, but this is totally unacceptable. I just want to be the one to bask in the ambiance (with you all XD) of sony's triumphant comeback, as it's starting to happen already, so I can laugh in the faces of all the traitors who abandon Sony (that goes for the guys at ign as well). I have officialy made this site my home being that all the members here seem to have a brain and there isn't any place purer where you can find information at. Well enough of the rants. This was a little extreme. TO PSXEXTREME!!! FTW!!!

Banky A
Banky A
11 years ago

TELL me about it.

I'd think people were starting to witness the sheer awesomeness of the PS3 but some are as arrogant as ever. I hate those people =D

I'd also like to think that many people just make fanboy accounts to have funny time with friends. That would be okay for me.

🙁

WorldEndsWithMe
WorldEndsWithMe
11 years ago

Mark my words my friend, after the 360 sinks and the PS3 is THE console to game with, all those haters will pretend they were on board the whole time. And when this happens, i will vomit and force them to eat it.

Joe_III
Joe_III
11 years ago

quit whining. based on # consoles sold, attach rates, and just about every other possible factor, the 360 is winning. You really can't get past that fact.

WorldEndsWithMe
WorldEndsWithMe
11 years ago

Yeah but there's gonna be a tipping point in a little while man.

Akuma_
Akuma_
11 years ago

im so glad im a decade away from this sort of thinking. =]

i can just kick back, and enjoy the scenery.

Banky A
Banky A
11 years ago

Me too.

=D

Aftab
Aftab
11 years ago

Don't get too comfortable, young man. One day you're 19, just walking in the mall in you're band new kicks and flashy threads, catching eyes of hunnies, with not a worry in the world. The next day you wake, up, clothes faded, hair's thinner, pushing 40, and the hunnies walking around happen to be yesterday's hunnies' children.

Aftab
Aftab
11 years ago

Btw, I'm not 40, and I don't go to malls to gawk at young girls.

WorldEndsWithMe
WorldEndsWithMe
11 years ago

I'm 27 with the health problems of a 90 year old and rocking some kinda Grey white mans Afro, Aftab is right, take nothing for granted.

Aftab
Aftab
11 years ago

I know what problems you're talking about, WEWM. We both have relatively sedentary lifestyles (I'm in IT and you are a writer). So you have to make up for it with some kind of exercise regiment. Don't sweat it too much. 1 hour 3 days a week regularly should do just fine. Weights and cardio.

Aftab
Aftab
11 years ago

Oh, and what you eat starts to matter, too. Plenty of protein after workouts. Don't over do it on the carbs, and keep away from excessive caffeine and nicotine.

infekt
infekt
11 years ago

Age has nothing to do with finding the right girl. Do your thing and leave your worries behind. Though, you might want look elsewhere too. How about the library? Weddings? Gym? Girls at bars tend to be.. well.. I'm not going to get into that. Have faith bro. Its all in your head.

ZubraZap
ZubraZap
11 years ago

Age ain't nuthin' but a number!

ArnoldK PSXE
ArnoldK PSXE
11 years ago

Well…no, I mean, yes…it is just a number. But that number tends to be inherently linked with a certain amount of wisdom. A 32 year old dating a 22 year old would demonstrate a large gap in wisdom and overall experience.

This is why it's considered a faux-pas for someone in their early 30s to date someone in their early 20s. But it's not a faux-pas when those numbers are 40 and 30. The playing field eventually levels out considerably the older you get – there's simply too large of a wisdom gap between a 20 year old, and a 30 year old.

Phoelix
Phoelix
11 years ago

I agree with Arnold.

My girlfriend is about 3 months younger than me, so I'm right on the money. I think relationships are best whenever both parties grow together. I think this happens most often when the two halves are roughly on the same chapter of their lives.

However, I'm a believer that love can cross all boundaries. I don't there should be any hard-and-fast rules (other than the obvious respect of the other party, etc.) when it comes to a romantic relationship.

I would definitely look for someone else who's in the same milestone of life. Then again, sometimes the harder we look, the less likely we are to find.

Aftab
Aftab
11 years ago

Tis true. Though, depending on culture, that gap tends to narrow.

Troy Powers
Troy Powers
11 years ago

True, there is a wisdom difference. But, as the man in the relationship, you're expected to be the leader, thus the wiser party anyway. Therefore it makes sense for women to date older men. Now, if the woman is an idiot, that's a different thing all together. But, if she's simply inexperienced, it's perfect that she's with an older man that can provide guidance. And in my experience, women need lots and LOTS of guidance.

aaronisbla
aaronisbla
11 years ago

most of my female friends are in relationships with older men, although they may say there is a wisdom gap, i do tend to think females can be wiser than their age will let on to. Same way how you still have some older guys who act like they are in their teenage years.

Ben at your age you can probably get more action from the 21yrs and slightly older crowd with no problems, they tend to go for older guys, you would be surprised. Weddings, church ( if thats your kinda thing ), parks, grocery stores amongst others are also good places to meet some. Gotta love a women who wants to eat healthy, i see so many of them in the produce section at grocery stores

Ben Dutka PSXE
Ben Dutka PSXE
11 years ago

Phoelix: "Then again, sometimes the harder we look, the less likely we are to find."

I'm a firm believer in that. It's why I don't look so often…and no, it's not a dodge. LOL 😉

Troy: I'd rather not have a woman who needs "guidance." I really can't stand that. I want someone who is secure in who they are, who doesn't need constant advice and vindication; I just love firm independence in a woman. You know?

aaron: Well, yes and no. I do tend to get a lot of attention from the 21-year-olds, but it's typically only for one reason. …not that that's a BAD thing, per se; I'm just saying. 🙂

laxpro2001
laxpro2001
11 years ago

Ben I love these personal editorials… gives us more of an insight on who you are…

Anyways on topic… I do feel to most people age makes a difference. One of my friends asked me how old I would consider (me being 19) and at first I said 32… but after her reaction and some thinking I realized that I wanna grow old with this person (not the only reason of course) I'm going to have to aim lower.

I ended up setting 24-25 as my limit.

Also Ben… when you say you are a nerd for liking Cloud, I think you are mistaken. A nerd is someone who is extremely smart, while a geek is someone who is really into the videogames and what not.

Not saying you can't be both though as it seems like you are 😉


Last edited by laxpro2001 on 2/22/2009 1:38:03 AM

Ben Dutka PSXE
Ben Dutka PSXE
11 years ago

Well, I think we all have our own definitions of "nerd" and "geek." Let's just say I'm a nerd that fits the mental label but not the physical one. LOL

Vivi_Gamer
Vivi_Gamer
11 years ago

Top of the range gaming news *****/*****

WorldEndsWithMe
WorldEndsWithMe
11 years ago

please… man… with the trolling…

Aerifale
Aerifale
11 years ago

The girls are'nt all that gr8 in ireland lol
plus i seem to have a problem where i end up being stuck in the "just a friend" stage *sigh*
guess i shudn't get too down, around here u basically get the girl for the nite an move on next day (i just realised how bad that sounds lol) thankfully gaming has become very mainstream now (at least here anyway) saying i'm a gamer seems to just pass over as girls head. is it the same for u guys or do they still refer to gaming as a hobby for nerds? 🙂

Godslim
Godslim
11 years ago

ahhh the friend zone….its not a nice place lol

Aftab
Aftab
11 years ago

Nah mate. Irish lasses are just fine. There's a good deal of variety for a small country, plus, and on average, they got more modesty, too. Regarding the friends-zone problem, trick is to keep a little distance, and a little indifference.

Aftab
Aftab
11 years ago

And regardng vgames, I feel they've become more mainstream everywhere. Even playing a portable, like a psp, I usually feel more self conscious, but ironically, riding the train, or at a coffee house, I get even more passes from girls as if it's like an attention struggle for them. Wierd. Am I only the one who feels that way?


Last edited by Aftab on 2/22/2009 5:38:03 AM

The Stig
The Stig
11 years ago

Unless you always want to date girls in their 20s as you get older this will become more difficult. But generally speaking women tend to date men that are older than them. If you being in your 30s is an issue to a girl then she is probably too immature for you anyway. Like someone said earlier age is just a number, dont let it effect your confidence.

Im The Man
Im The Man
11 years ago

No but just like arnold said in response to that "age is just a number statement" a certain amount of wisdom comes with that number. So no its not just a number.


Last edited by Im The Man on 2/22/2009 11:55:37 AM

aaronisbla
aaronisbla
11 years ago

But the wisdom with age isn't always true, at least here in chicago it isn't. You have some females that will always act the way they act, no matter how much older they get, sometimes it takes them having a kid for them to wise up

The Stig
The Stig
11 years ago

Im The Man, maybe wisdom does come with age but not always. I know girls in their 20s that are more mature than girls I know in their 30s. So age is just a number. Example, being 17 gives you the right to drive but does not always mean you are mature enough to do so.

Im The Man
Im The Man
11 years ago

well im just speaking from percentages but in those cases yeah thats true sometimes.

www
www
11 years ago

"I've never really had any difficulty talking to women; that's not bragging, because a lot of times, I don't have enough sense to realize when I'm making a fool out of myself. But I never worry about talking to any of them, no matter how hot or supposedly intimidating they may be. What's the worst that can happen? Yeah, I make a fool of myself"

YES!!!…..that's just me.I don't give a crap whatever happens when i approach a girl,whether am humiliated,snobbed or not,i don't give a sh**!

Aftab
Aftab
11 years ago

I've noticed girls tend to gravitate to their older counterparts. Plus, being older, Idk if it's got to do with the inner bull being more tamed or what, but I've found that I've had more ease with girls and women in general as I've gotten older.

You don't want to get stuck "baby sitting", at the same time, too old is not good for biology. But either way, numerical age shouldn't be too much of a criteria, as maturity or readiness is a hard thing to actually measure.

Aftab
Aftab
11 years ago

But, to Ben, I'm right there with you. I had a similar shocking catharsis recently, but it's more of pain for me. Why? Because I'm not a strapping, big guy. I actually look like I'm 18, 21 max, save with a beard, which means I tend to only attract young girls, or older mamas, which sucks, either way.

Sir Shak
Sir Shak
11 years ago

These posts just remind me that I have been alone for the past three years, and I'm only 20 .

p.s. – how is my new nickname .

Random_Steve
Random_Steve
11 years ago

its great, although, tbh, i cant remember your old one

Sir Shak
Sir Shak
11 years ago

It was shak_44 .

www
www
11 years ago

try one of these:
mister shak
boy shak
don shak
shatta shak

Sir Shak
Sir Shak
11 years ago

My friends used to call me Sir Shak in school . It's a rip-off of Sir Shrek .

My real name is Shakti .

Aftab
Aftab
11 years ago

Kaali ma! Shakti day! Kaali ma! Kaali maaaa!

Sir Shak
Sir Shak
11 years ago

I don't follow any religion , my late grandpa gave me the name . Where are you from ?


Last edited by Sir Shak on 2/22/2009 10:29:45 PM

WorldEndsWithMe
WorldEndsWithMe
11 years ago

HAHA Indiana Jones ftw.

Sir Shak
Sir Shak
11 years ago

oh…. I didn't get the reference at first , sad that guy is dead , was a pretty good actor .

Aftab
Aftab
11 years ago

You got it, WEWM! Not bad! And don't worry, Shakti, the "filam" is quite old. Likan, apko Hindi samaj atiyea?