Dark, embarrassing gaming secrets you tell absolutely no one… we all have them. And if you aren't embarrassed about anything… well, there's probably a few things you should be embarrassed about!

Whether it's that time you trash talked in Call of Duty only to go 1 kill and 15 deaths in Team Deathmatch or those Hannah Montana trophies you can't delete, we'd love to hear all about it! (SUUUUURE it's because you had to do a review, Ben… We believe you…. Honest! *snicker*)

Even if it's for no other reason other than to make us feel a little better about our own deep, dark gaming secrets, why not take this opportunity behind made up screen names to share your own! No one will ever know. Here are some of mine to help get things started.

1) I really liked Final Fantasy X-2.

Like everyone else you know who says they liked it, I swear up and down it's solely about the gameplay. And that's partly true. The fast-paced, turn-based, job-switching battle system was phenomenal, engaging, and full of tactical opportunity. The gameplay in and of itself made the game worth an approving nod.

But I kinda liked the story, too… And the sphere changes… and the jpop…. please don't tell anyone.

I like sports. Better?

Ok, so I know that's not surprising. It's quite possibly the most popular franchise in the world for a reason. But I've been an enormous critic of its promotion of "twitch culture" and "quick-scoping". And that's still true in regards to quickscoping. But here's the thing… sometimes… when I'm losing… I break out the quick-scope just to catch up a little… Yes, I feel guilty about it. Yes, sometimes I feel like maybe a cold shower is needed after stooping so low. But the raging cries of my enemies calling me various elementary school insults makes it a little better.

And for all my gripes about the never-repaired Call of Duty bugs, I still play it. A ton. Such a hypocrite.

3) I preordered Final Fantasy XV.

I said I wouldn't. I said I hated the demo (I did). I said they're abandoning all that made Final Fantasy great. I said the emo-kids look ridiculous. (They do.) I even said I hope it flops. And by the way… on that last one… what a nasty thing to say, to actually hope for someone's demise.

But something happened… I watched the Kingsglaive movie and the Brotherhood shorts on YouTube, and I gotta say… I absolutely love the lore. And that, mixed with my nostalgia conditioned need for anything Final Fantasy, forced me to take the plunge and pre-order it.

I really hope to be glad I did.

What a jerk I am, right? This "White Knight" syndrome is borderline pathetic. I get it. And it isn't really fair, either. I genuinely am immune to feeling insulted by some random in a game of Call of Duty. But if I get any indication that someone else might be taking the game a little too seriously, I'll try to key in on whatever it is that they feel strongly about in the game, and pick on that a little, even if it is a worldview that I share.

So, you think we should all vote for the person I also think should win the election? Well, I'm still going to tell you the other person is better, anyways if you start telling people you disagree with that they're morons or something. And I'll be sure to use the arguments, true or untrue, that will drive you nuts to have to hear, and I'll be obstinant about it.

If you call people names with words that should never be used as insults, like "gay", well… I might even pretend to flirt with you. In fact, in Call of Duty, I have a beautiful rainbow emblem with the words "Gay is OK" ready to go at a moment's notice. Because lets face it, your personal worldview, especially one as terribly discriminatory and belittling as that, shouldn't really have a place in an anonymous online community. So if you're going to make youself busy making others feel like they don't belong, I'm going to help make you just a little more uncomfortable.

So, yeah, I understand that isn't exactly the best of character to do this kind of thing. My mom told me to walk away from people like that. She's probably right. But in my defense, I never make fun of anyone for truly sensitive things. For example, if you had a speech impediment or sounded like a kid, I would never bully. I only really pick on the guys who are initially abrasive, and I stick to the material.

But still…

5) I always play as a female character when given the choice.


And some of my friends do, too. The common justification you hear is that "Well, if I have to stare at the back of a character all game, I'd rather see a girl running around."

However, that's extremely shallow and not really true at all. The real truth is that there's something awesome about a strong, interesting female lead in video games. I think it's because there aren't enough of them. I'm very excited to see more and more developers creating great games with strong female leads, so perhaps it isn't needed anymore. But the real truth is, I was getting tired of the usual muscle bound dude getting all the glory. Let's be honest here… women are often just more interesting! And video game women are just cooler.

When you get into it, it isn't really an embarrassing fact. But it is an awkward conversation to start having all the time at home.

"Yes, (insert family member here), I did choose to be a girl… No, that's not why… *sigh*"

I know I'm not alone… I know there's a lot of Fem-Sheps out there!

%d bloggers like this: