Ben-DutkaIt's the return of my very personal "Once Upon A Time" series, due entirely to popular demand. For those of you who are unfamiliar, this began on a sudden whim late last year, when I decided to trust our excellent community with the retelling of a personal experience that I thought would be interesting. The response was amazing, so I continued it, and most of you probably know what came of it…quite the little adventure, but things have been quiet since.
So I was talking to Arnold last week, and I brought up the question of age regarding relationships. You guys will have to help me out too with your own opinions (what, you think I do this just for you?), so feel free to speak your mind. The reason I presented the question is because, now that I'm over 30, I'm starting to consider age difference for the first time in my life. So perhaps you may be asking, what prompted the consideration in the first place? Well, it stands to reason that if I go where most single people hang out (bars, clubs, etc.), I will typically find females that are a good deal younger than me. Now, I don't have any issue whatsoever with ladies in their mid-20s (uh, how could I?), but might they have an issue with me ? I'm a man…I can handle bad news, so let it fly, if you must.
For the record, my last girlfriend – yep, the unwitting star of my previous editorial series – was only 24, so clearly, it's not an issue for every girl. But I'm starting to talk to girls where 30 is pretty much their "limit," and it's starting to worry me… It concerns me because when I encounter a supremely cute waitress who can't possibly be any older than 21 or 22, I balk at the romantic request. The good news is I've never really had any difficulty talking to women; that's not bragging, because a lot of times, I don't have enough sense to realize when I'm making a fool out of myself. But I never worry about talking to any of them, no matter how hot or supposedly intimidating they may be. What's the worst that can happen? Yeah, I make a fool of myself…oooooh, no, whatever am I going to do? Go home and hang myself? Really, who cares ?
But for the first time, I hesitate talking to this girl, and it's entirely due to the age thing. Arnold tells me I'm over-thinking it – as I tend to do – and he's good at simplifying the issue to the point where I realize I should laugh at my overly complicated methods. But really, age does factor in somehow…doesn't it? It has to. Maybe it only alters what I have to say in regards to the opening line and first conversation. Maybe she wouldn't even guess that I'm that much older than her. Look, I've done this enough where I know for a fact that 32-year-old women and 22-year-old are very, very different, and you can't treat them both the same way. Thankfully, I've talked to enough where I have some experience with many ages, but now that I'm the one considering an age barrier…well, it's kinda freaking me out.
I'm human, not a demigod. No matter how much I've always wanted to be a character like Cloud (yep, still a nerd), I'm really not. LOL
I'd had situations like that…only…the other way around XD both my girlfriends were older than me. And I would always think about it and be like ":( I wonder if she wishes I was older" cuz my current…kinda…ish… gf Also tells me she likes guys older then her and then i'm just left like.. "WTF?" so yeah. But I dunno Ben, I mean women do date superly old men lol all over the news =P so I don't think it's really a big deal, until…you're 40 =P
HAHAHAHAHA ps. FIRST XD epic lolz
kinda ish, superlol.
yea im with legendary until u encounter that woman or girl that makes u feel like ur too old id say the boundary is 40 even then if u got money your ok so… Hugh is doing great but hes legend so… and even when u do get hit with a curve ball and u swing and miss with one get back out there u still got 2 swings left if were speaking baseball but i wouldnt worry bout it unless a pattern turns up. do your thing Ben! (im obviously no love guru)
can i get back to my ps3 now! 😉
Last edited by bigrailer19 on 2/21/2009 11:50:00 PM
Srry for getting of topic but its comments like these:
http://gear.ign.com/articles/955/955499c.html#comments_top?p=5&s=ASC
and sites/posts like these:
http://www.escapistmagazine.com/news/view/88145-PS3-Is-Dying-On-The-Shelves
that truly piss me off. WTF is wrong with the gaming community. Its as if the world was dominated by the xbot fanboys. These reasons made me, realize over the weekend, that it's true and ign is, most definitely, getting more gayer by the second. Every site except this one seems to down sony for unlegit reasons. What I can't seem to realize is WHY? Call me fanboy, but this is totally unacceptable. I just want to be the one to bask in the ambiance (with you all XD) of sony's triumphant comeback, as it's starting to happen already, so I can laugh in the faces of all the traitors who abandon Sony (that goes for the guys at ign as well). I have officialy made this site my home being that all the members here seem to have a brain and there isn't any place purer where you can find information at. Well enough of the rants. This was a little extreme. TO PSXEXTREME!!! FTW!!!
TELL me about it.
I'd think people were starting to witness the sheer awesomeness of the PS3 but some are as arrogant as ever. I hate those people =D
I'd also like to think that many people just make fanboy accounts to have funny time with friends. That would be okay for me.
🙁
Mark my words my friend, after the 360 sinks and the PS3 is THE console to game with, all those haters will pretend they were on board the whole time. And when this happens, i will vomit and force them to eat it.
quit whining. based on # consoles sold, attach rates, and just about every other possible factor, the 360 is winning. You really can't get past that fact.
Yeah but there's gonna be a tipping point in a little while man.
im so glad im a decade away from this sort of thinking. =]
i can just kick back, and enjoy the scenery.
Me too.
=D
Don't get too comfortable, young man. One day you're 19, just walking in the mall in you're band new kicks and flashy threads, catching eyes of hunnies, with not a worry in the world. The next day you wake, up, clothes faded, hair's thinner, pushing 40, and the hunnies walking around happen to be yesterday's hunnies' children.
Btw, I'm not 40, and I don't go to malls to gawk at young girls.
I'm 27 with the health problems of a 90 year old and rocking some kinda Grey white mans Afro, Aftab is right, take nothing for granted.
I know what problems you're talking about, WEWM. We both have relatively sedentary lifestyles (I'm in IT and you are a writer). So you have to make up for it with some kind of exercise regiment. Don't sweat it too much. 1 hour 3 days a week regularly should do just fine. Weights and cardio.
Oh, and what you eat starts to matter, too. Plenty of protein after workouts. Don't over do it on the carbs, and keep away from excessive caffeine and nicotine.
Age has nothing to do with finding the right girl. Do your thing and leave your worries behind. Though, you might want look elsewhere too. How about the library? Weddings? Gym? Girls at bars tend to be.. well.. I'm not going to get into that. Have faith bro. Its all in your head.
Age ain't nuthin' but a number!
Well…no, I mean, yes…it is just a number. But that number tends to be inherently linked with a certain amount of wisdom. A 32 year old dating a 22 year old would demonstrate a large gap in wisdom and overall experience.
This is why it's considered a faux-pas for someone in their early 30s to date someone in their early 20s. But it's not a faux-pas when those numbers are 40 and 30. The playing field eventually levels out considerably the older you get – there's simply too large of a wisdom gap between a 20 year old, and a 30 year old.
I agree with Arnold.
My girlfriend is about 3 months younger than me, so I'm right on the money. I think relationships are best whenever both parties grow together. I think this happens most often when the two halves are roughly on the same chapter of their lives.
However, I'm a believer that love can cross all boundaries. I don't there should be any hard-and-fast rules (other than the obvious respect of the other party, etc.) when it comes to a romantic relationship.
I would definitely look for someone else who's in the same milestone of life. Then again, sometimes the harder we look, the less likely we are to find.
Tis true. Though, depending on culture, that gap tends to narrow.
True, there is a wisdom difference. But, as the man in the relationship, you're expected to be the leader, thus the wiser party anyway. Therefore it makes sense for women to date older men. Now, if the woman is an idiot, that's a different thing all together. But, if she's simply inexperienced, it's perfect that she's with an older man that can provide guidance. And in my experience, women need lots and LOTS of guidance.
most of my female friends are in relationships with older men, although they may say there is a wisdom gap, i do tend to think females can be wiser than their age will let on to. Same way how you still have some older guys who act like they are in their teenage years.
Ben at your age you can probably get more action from the 21yrs and slightly older crowd with no problems, they tend to go for older guys, you would be surprised. Weddings, church ( if thats your kinda thing ), parks, grocery stores amongst others are also good places to meet some. Gotta love a women who wants to eat healthy, i see so many of them in the produce section at grocery stores
Phoelix: "Then again, sometimes the harder we look, the less likely we are to find."
I'm a firm believer in that. It's why I don't look so often…and no, it's not a dodge. LOL 😉
Troy: I'd rather not have a woman who needs "guidance." I really can't stand that. I want someone who is secure in who they are, who doesn't need constant advice and vindication; I just love firm independence in a woman. You know?
aaron: Well, yes and no. I do tend to get a lot of attention from the 21-year-olds, but it's typically only for one reason. …not that that's a BAD thing, per se; I'm just saying. 🙂
Ben I love these personal editorials… gives us more of an insight on who you are…
Anyways on topic… I do feel to most people age makes a difference. One of my friends asked me how old I would consider (me being 19) and at first I said 32… but after her reaction and some thinking I realized that I wanna grow old with this person (not the only reason of course) I'm going to have to aim lower.
I ended up setting 24-25 as my limit.
Also Ben… when you say you are a nerd for liking Cloud, I think you are mistaken. A nerd is someone who is extremely smart, while a geek is someone who is really into the videogames and what not.
Not saying you can't be both though as it seems like you are 😉
Last edited by laxpro2001 on 2/22/2009 1:38:03 AM
Well, I think we all have our own definitions of "nerd" and "geek." Let's just say I'm a nerd that fits the mental label but not the physical one. LOL
Top of the range gaming news *****/*****
please… man… with the trolling…
The girls are'nt all that gr8 in ireland lol
plus i seem to have a problem where i end up being stuck in the "just a friend" stage *sigh*
guess i shudn't get too down, around here u basically get the girl for the nite an move on next day (i just realised how bad that sounds lol) thankfully gaming has become very mainstream now (at least here anyway) saying i'm a gamer seems to just pass over as girls head. is it the same for u guys or do they still refer to gaming as a hobby for nerds? 🙂
ahhh the friend zone….its not a nice place lol
Nah mate. Irish lasses are just fine. There's a good deal of variety for a small country, plus, and on average, they got more modesty, too. Regarding the friends-zone problem, trick is to keep a little distance, and a little indifference.
And regardng vgames, I feel they've become more mainstream everywhere. Even playing a portable, like a psp, I usually feel more self conscious, but ironically, riding the train, or at a coffee house, I get even more passes from girls as if it's like an attention struggle for them. Wierd. Am I only the one who feels that way?
Last edited by Aftab on 2/22/2009 5:38:03 AM
Unless you always want to date girls in their 20s as you get older this will become more difficult. But generally speaking women tend to date men that are older than them. If you being in your 30s is an issue to a girl then she is probably too immature for you anyway. Like someone said earlier age is just a number, dont let it effect your confidence.
No but just like arnold said in response to that "age is just a number statement" a certain amount of wisdom comes with that number. So no its not just a number.
Last edited by Im The Man on 2/22/2009 11:55:37 AM
But the wisdom with age isn't always true, at least here in chicago it isn't. You have some females that will always act the way they act, no matter how much older they get, sometimes it takes them having a kid for them to wise up
Im The Man, maybe wisdom does come with age but not always. I know girls in their 20s that are more mature than girls I know in their 30s. So age is just a number. Example, being 17 gives you the right to drive but does not always mean you are mature enough to do so.
well im just speaking from percentages but in those cases yeah thats true sometimes.
"I've never really had any difficulty talking to women; that's not bragging, because a lot of times, I don't have enough sense to realize when I'm making a fool out of myself. But I never worry about talking to any of them, no matter how hot or supposedly intimidating they may be. What's the worst that can happen? Yeah, I make a fool of myself"
YES!!!…..that's just me.I don't give a crap whatever happens when i approach a girl,whether am humiliated,snobbed or not,i don't give a sh**!
I've noticed girls tend to gravitate to their older counterparts. Plus, being older, Idk if it's got to do with the inner bull being more tamed or what, but I've found that I've had more ease with girls and women in general as I've gotten older.
You don't want to get stuck "baby sitting", at the same time, too old is not good for biology. But either way, numerical age shouldn't be too much of a criteria, as maturity or readiness is a hard thing to actually measure.
But, to Ben, I'm right there with you. I had a similar shocking catharsis recently, but it's more of pain for me. Why? Because I'm not a strapping, big guy. I actually look like I'm 18, 21 max, save with a beard, which means I tend to only attract young girls, or older mamas, which sucks, either way.
These posts just remind me that I have been alone for the past three years, and I'm only 20 .
p.s. – how is my new nickname .
its great, although, tbh, i cant remember your old one
It was shak_44 .
try one of these:
mister shak
boy shak
don shak
shatta shak
My friends used to call me Sir Shak in school . It's a rip-off of Sir Shrek .
My real name is Shakti .
Kaali ma! Shakti day! Kaali ma! Kaali maaaa!
I don't follow any religion , my late grandpa gave me the name . Where are you from ?
Last edited by Sir Shak on 2/22/2009 10:29:45 PM
HAHA Indiana Jones ftw.
oh…. I didn't get the reference at first , sad that guy is dead , was a pretty good actor .
You got it, WEWM! Not bad! And don't worry, Shakti, the "filam" is quite old. Likan, apko Hindi samaj atiyea?